Saturday, January 22, 2005

dancing with elvis...uh huh huh Posted by Hello

my 21st birthday meal with housemates in elvis' themed restaurant Posted by Hello

Friday, January 21, 2005

it's all a bit of gall

just becuase the week hadn't been eventful enough already I decided yesterday that a trip to casualty would just about finish the day off nicely.

It had been a busy thursday in the week of Becci Brown...

9am-lecture on sociology and science according to Durkheim
10am-finish off essay and print it out, tidy room and read Bible
11.30am-seminar-great discussion on patricachy during the industrial revolution through to today
1pm-lunch, catch up with housemates, check email and write update on 'man situation' in blog
3pm-meeting with Bill and Adrian for Bible study and CU planning chat...

3.30pm-during Bible study, pain under ribs kicks in. It's a familiar pain, been coming and going for the last year...usually passes within half an hour, all will be well. Probably been too busy, not sleeping, eating properly, all that nonense.

4.00pm-time for my lecture. by this point i am sweating and shaking with pain. Go to my lecture and sit with my friend Bobby who tells me I'm being ridiculous. 10 minutes later as i almost pass out I'm inclined to agree

To cut a long story short I walk, bent double to NHS drop in (not registered with Dr.something u only ever aren't when you need it) in tears: 'please help me, I'm not feeling so good...' A really nice Australian Doctor orders me a taxi and gives me £5, to get me to casualty, with a note of diagnosis.

The taxi driver says to me 'ah rebecca, you not feeling so good, you in pain, i get you to hospital very quickly.' this was now rush hour and the traffic was heavy. needless to say what should have taken an hour took about 20 minutes...

With only £5 (and £1 coin in my purse) I was aware that that wouldn't cover the journey. 'How much?' I tentatviely ask. Praying I will have enough. 'Just give me six pounds.' Thanks God.

In A&E I got to be a 'major' (which I think meant I was in enough pain) had all my tests complete with a tap left in my arm for easy access to my blood...ew... And I get one of those cool plastic braclets with my name and date of birth so that I don't forget who I am. An hour later I'm lying on a bed waiting for test results, feeling gross and in walks my knight in shining armour...a star...a wonder....a ray of light. (ok that maybe going too far, he wanted a good mention!) good friend jon with humour and wit (and a handy i-pod filled with funky tunes) to see the patient through those next long, painfilled, dark (ok now I'm being melodramatic) 5 hours of waiting for someone to collect my wee which I'd obliged with 2 hours previously, and to tell me my test results. He got bored and just as I was entertaining him with a 'doctor doctor' joke, the doctor walked in. oh what timing.

Diagnosis? they're almost 100% convinced I have gall stones and the pain I have intermittently is of one leaving the gall bladder. That just must have been one king-size stone. I had kind of half known about this before but as I hadn't had the pain for about 4 months I reckoned it wasn't. And now I know. So, after a long waiting list looks like for the first time in my life I'm gonna be cut open. Oh yes.

And why this story took so long to tell when I could have just said 'i went to casualty with terrible pain, I have gall stones.'??

For sympathy. of course.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

there we go...again

one more conversation later and the situation changes again...

but it's ok, becuase im used to it. im used to mixed messages and im used to being used to it all not happening. and so really i don't mind. not becuase there isn't some element of hurt and ok, slight anger, but more becuase it makes life easier for me and hey, i still have issues with what could have been anyway. it's never as clear cut when it's trying to make something work again. Something fresh with someone new will always be less complicated but somehow i still find it hard to believe the things that i see and love will come round again.

that's it now. last time that i allow that conversation to be had. im angry it was bought up in the first place. somehow he has a way of putting me in a vulnerable position before him, but maybe without even intending to.

but it's ok. that mantra 'let it be' or rather in God's terms 'trust me' always does the job, puffy eyes and all.

Monday, January 17, 2005

let it be

so now my head is a shambles and thus will be this entry

a need for pouring out my spirit overwhelms the desire to keep personal things private. i will mention no names but those nearest and dearest will follow and the one of whom i talk i very much doubt reads this anyway

matters of the heart confuse me. friday night a load of people poured into my flat to celebrate my birthay. onto 'fabric' for some all night dancing and as much as i love my friends who came, suddenly the night became amazing when a particualr person arrived. why do i feel like this 9 months later?
Sunday, rested and relaxed I dropped round the flat of said person and the conversation that ensued was somewhat confusing. at one point it seemed he was suggesting a future and then he clearly stopped that in it's tracks two senatnce later. so what is going on?

9 months on and ive dealt with what has been. ive moved on from shock and bemusment at how two people certain on the rest of their lives togather end up as strangers. now in janauary we agree to build a friendship once again. but i stand confused for i dont even know my mind let alone his. the mind that at times knows it wouldnt work, that knows it's best this way, starts, once again to skip a beat when he is near. i talk to myself, i tel myself off for reading into things. for readin into blatent chemistry. and yet theres issues im not sure off anyway.

and yet ive never been able to move on 100%. how can i? if u know me, and u know him, u will know why and u will know that the question can't be answered. if u don't know me or u don't know him, u will may think u know the answer but u don't. these are matters of the heart and only an understanding of my heart will give u the answer

as i don't understand ym heart, i don't have the answer

all i tell my heart right now is to pursue what he offers. be rational and listen to your head

and above all

let it be

Sunday, January 16, 2005


all credit to dave for this.

as i consider my future within media studies, within the arts...its encouraging when from time to time people who aren't necessarily involved in these things, be of inspiration

Dave writes..

Following up on my thoughts on Christian protests at Jerry Springer, let me suggest an alternative strategy... I conceed it may be necesary to take a stand on things, for the good of humanity (since sin damages people and God's ways are what we're made for) but there must be a more positive approach.

And here is the mind-blowingly obvious solution... Christians in the media, Christians in the arts, Christians in academic... People who will stand in the midst of the world holding a Christian worldview and engaging thoroughly with the world around them. Christians who will get in the middle of the things for the long term and produce the best quality films, drama, documentaries, literature, art, design etc... this is no quick fix and will take time but it's time to make a start!

This wont be my field but there are people who will be able to get in for the distance. The same applies to the sciences and politics etc. All the above is one of the key reasons I believe in student ministry.

How do we get there? Firstly students need to be encouraged to get into studying their subject well, to understanding thoroughly a Christian worldview and also the worldview that the discipline being studied presents. Undoubtedly those worlds will collide and Christian students need to be able to handle that collision with care, creativity and integrity. Mere polemics will not be sufficient, its time to be far more positive.

Those who know the creator have the greatest mandate for creativity and careful study of creation. Sadly for too long those who care most about the Ceator's good news have scorned the arts and engagement with the world out of fear. This has left us with an etherial evangelicalism which exists in the sunday service but knows little of monday morning.

This is a matter of having Jesus Christ seen for the beautiful and wonderful King of all that he is. This is a matter of communicating the creator's story in the heart of the culture.

Friday, January 14, 2005

elvis has left the building

I wish I could put last night into words. But i really can't. next weekend ill post some pictures. Imagine this if you can...

At 8pm my housemates give their presents. Theyve told me that they're taking me out for a meal but they haven't told me where, but little strange things have slipped like dancers and men and i'm beginning to get a little worried. After opening some lovely presents we start walking towards Peckham and then vere off onto the Old Kent Road. They still won't tell me where we going. As we get closer Margot puts her hands over my eyes and Sam steers my body down the raod. A few trips later and Margot takes her hands away. I look up and I am underneath a flashing red neon sign that says 'Gracelands chinese restaurant'. All over the front of the restaurant is pictures of Elvis. Yes, my friends took me to an elvis themed chinese restauarnat. Thank you very much.

Inside, the place is empty. We're the only people there which means we can make as much noise as we like. There's photos and elvis memorabilia verywhere, mixed with tacky chinese decor. A very strange combination. We order off the menu and eat. Once we've finished over the loud speaker comes a voice 'Happy birtday Baci' (A very strong chinese accent starts singing happy birthday to me, and other starnage things...) and then out from the back of the restauarnt comes elvis. I kid you not. A little chinese man in an elvis siut; the white one only he has 'Paul' on one breast, 'elvis' on the other and 'chan' across the back. This is Paul Elvis Chan and he has infact chanegd his name to this by depole...the music strikes up...and then his battery in his mic dies so he scuttles off to change the batteries. Sorts his music out then comes back and starts singing a whole host of elvis songs in a chinese accent and trying to gyrate but just kind of shuffling. I ahve never ever seen anything like it. It was unbelievably hilarious. My housemates faces kept changing from utter disbelief, to fits of hysterics to shock to utter disbelief. I laughed til I cried. I ahd to dance with elvis and then we all got up and danced. And I have to say I had the best birthday i ever had. And it went on for ages and ages and ages.

Tonight is the big bash, drinks and then onto Fabric with about 30 people...hmmm...anyting could happen...

Thursday, January 13, 2005

happy birthday to me

hello world, i'm 21...not that there's anything that being 21 brings you, except cheaper car insurance. Not really important when i don't own a car anymore...sniff...but yeah, it's my birthday and so far i've had the same amount of text messages as ive had cards and a substantial more amount of £pounds£...and yet it appears some of my nearest and dearest have if you're reading this...feel ashamed. very ashamed. becuase i am the centre of the universe and you should have remembered...

on a slightly different note, my birthday started off kind of strangely...margot, who I mentioned before, who's best friend's mum died asked if i would do a bit of a memorial service last night as the funeral was being held in the states. so by the light of a candle and with a couple of other flat mates, i read from the Bible and tried to comprehend issues of death and God's love with a non-church going catholic, a buddhist/new age/atheist and an agnostic. As the hand of my watch clicked to midnight and my brithday arrived we were talking about how death is the one thing we all share and margot shared memories of her friend. I'm pretty sure God was there last night and somewhere somehow i think he was whispering into the candlelit darkness of the room and of questioning hearts.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

it's my birthday tomorrow

Here i sit on the 12th January 2005 contemplating the year ahead. Tomorrow I turn 21. The thing is when everyone was reveiwing 2004 on the 1st of January I wasn't. I think this birthday is making me think more than anything. Maybe becuase this time last year I was in Belfast, had begun to think about leaving and was entering that down ward spiral of craziness.

But maybe becuase '21' is shouting 'grow up' to me! I should probably have been more adultic when I turned 18. Maybe I did, but it was that false maturity you think you have when you're 18. All big and grown up. In the last 3 years since, I have realised how little and insignificant I really am. And now, as I turn 21 I think I have to start being an adult when previously I could get away with being immature.

and I feel like my age is rapidly over taking my maturity. For most of my teens I was always thought to be older than I was and that was ego boosting. To have a maturity beyond my age. And now? Well I kinda feel my age is overtaking my maturity and leaving me far behind squandering in immatuturity! but I acually don't care.

Maybe it's just that I've learnt how to be me and accept me for me. Maybe that's why this birthday is special. Becuase this time last year I was in a totally different place.

i have an allergy

The advent of Sunday arrived...after spending about two weeks by myself in the flat on and off through the holiday, finally all my flat mates came home. Mixed emotions for Margot who is from Thailand and had alot of friends and family caught up in the tsunami but are all ok and her best friend's mum died too. Margot had quite a holiday. And for Megs who is from the States but has finally made the decision to transfer here for the rest of her degree leaving behind a long time man. But she's made the right decision. There were other stories from the holidays and resolutions to go running to together and get healthy. With Megs came a big pack of 'Big Red' for me which is cinnamon gum you can only get in the States. Whilst in Colombia, I developed an obsession for it.

I popped a piece in my mouth, allowing that refreshing yet tingly cinammon feeling to reach my taste buds. But it was a little too tingly. By yesterday morning, and 4 pieces of gum later I woke up with swollen lips, tongue and lots of little white marks all inside my mouth. It felt like someone had punched me and ripped all the skin out. Today, thw swelling has more or less gone down but it still hurts like crazy. It toook me half an hour to eat a piece of toast. so there we are, that's my allergy. It happened in Colombia too only wortse. I couldn't eat or talk but I thought that was water or fruit or weird food or something. But no, I am allergic to cinammon chewing gum.

Which is strange becuase I'm not allergic to cinammon and I'm not allergic to chewing gum. But the combination is lethal. Maybe I should start carrying an epi pen in case someone accidently brushes me with a piece...

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

where have i slept?

In an attempt to summarize the craziest year of my life without going into the emotional stuff just yet, i steal an idea from a fellow ten places i've slept in, not in order of favourites but in order of frequency.

1. My parents house in Aylesbury - 116
2. New Cross (my halls) - 76
3. Beflast - 48
4. My friend's house in Aylesbury - 45
5. Colombia - 32
6. Ally's flat - 17
7. My Grandparents - 9
8. Miscellaneous Christian conferences - 8
9. Skegness - 6
10. Pwhelli - 5

Quite a varied year. I estimate this year may not be quite as so..or at at least I hope not...

just a spoonful of sugar

yesterday i met mary poppins.
yesterday mary poppins asked for my phone number and would like to keep in touch.

yesterday mary poppins wasn't very magical like as she rushed past me and the handle of her bag broke. surely if she really was mary poppins her magic would have been able to hold it together.

i helped mary poppins pick up her things, and discovered the book 'purpose driven life'. I handed it back to her and said 'that's a good book.' ok so at this moment i didn't know she was mary poppins. we got chatting and i found out who she was. ok, who she's playing. Mary Poppins is a big west end show at the moment in london and she's playing mary poppins. she got her big break when martine mcCutchin got ill during 'my fair lady' or whatever it was. so mary poppins and i chatted for so long i missed my tube stop.

it was really good. she's a christian but lacking fellowship. and she offered me friendship aswell. she also offered me some photo opportunities for the show...

so somehow i think God gave both of us a little spoonful of sugar last night.

Monday, January 03, 2005


so i reckon everyone's blogs are full of the tragedy in Asia at the moment.

i don't want to appear like i'm ignoring the issue but i don't want to use it to fill up blog space or end up sounding trite and cliched about the awfulness of it all.

so i'll just leave a blank space. i'm not ignoring it. i'm praying too.