let it be

so now my head is a shambles and thus will be this entry

a need for pouring out my spirit overwhelms the desire to keep personal things private. i will mention no names but those nearest and dearest will follow and the one of whom i talk i very much doubt reads this anyway

matters of the heart confuse me. friday night a load of people poured into my flat to celebrate my birthay. onto 'fabric' for some all night dancing and as much as i love my friends who came, suddenly the night became amazing when a particualr person arrived. why do i feel like this 9 months later?
Sunday, rested and relaxed I dropped round the flat of said person and the conversation that ensued was somewhat confusing. at one point it seemed he was suggesting a future and then he clearly stopped that in it's tracks two senatnce later. so what is going on?

9 months on and ive dealt with what has been. ive moved on from shock and bemusment at how two people certain on the rest of their lives togather end up as strangers. now in janauary we agree to build a friendship once again. but i stand confused for i dont even know my mind let alone his. the mind that at times knows it wouldnt work, that knows it's best this way, starts, once again to skip a beat when he is near. i talk to myself, i tel myself off for reading into things. for readin into blatent chemistry. and yet theres issues im not sure off anyway.

and yet ive never been able to move on 100%. how can i? if u know me, and u know him, u will know why and u will know that the question can't be answered. if u don't know me or u don't know him, u will may think u know the answer but u don't. these are matters of the heart and only an understanding of my heart will give u the answer

as i don't understand ym heart, i don't have the answer

all i tell my heart right now is to pursue what he offers. be rational and listen to your head

and above all

let it be