Hello world, you need Jesus.

Today, having had a chat about faith etc with one of my old housemates I text her about the christianity explored course. This was what i received:

"Tis not that I'm too busy pet, just there's other things id rather do with my time. Already am fully aware of my religious belieifs. However you have my full support and im sure itll be a v succesful programme :) xx"

Guess Im gutted. Even though there's 11 definates, the people i so desperately want to come and stop running from God are those i love, the girls ive spent the last two years with, sharing every aspect of my life. How it hurts when, unpassionately, they simply are not interested. Not even angry. Have I really not preached the gospel well? Have I not lived the gospel well...maybe they have just seen nothing that shines hope, truth and life. Or maybe quite simply their hearts are hardened and the choice has been made. Am I just a seed or is it the end of the road for them? I pray with everything within me that it is not. That this denying is only for a season.

Meanwhile, I went to Taekwondo tonight and met a great bunch of people, fought hard and came out smiling. Most importantly I shared some stuff from MArk's gosepl with a couple of them over chinese food and chatted about the identity of Jesus, sin and abundant grace. "Becci, I think God's sent you as a kick up my backside" (one said to me-a 'closet christian'!) and the other, well, for the time being she's happy to 'pic and mix' her religious beliefs.

a night to remember...

Last night I dreamt my mum was dying of cancer. It was horrific. Made more horrific by the fact that there was nothing unusual in the dream. That's what convinces us throughout a traumatic dream that it's ok. Deep down, even in that sleepy place we know that something doesn't add up with reality, something is odd.

My dream about my mum was so consistent with reality that, try as I might I couldnt find anything as a dreamt that would remind me it was ok, I'd wake up. Right down to my parents' mannerism, the way they spoke to me, the little sweet thing my Dad did for my Mum to cheer her up, my father's way of saying things are ok when I know they're not; that face he wears. And even the way my mum smelt. I could smell her as she gave me a hug.

I woke up absolutely bawling my eyes out. I couldn't stop. I phoned Pod (it was 7am by this point) and he listened, told me it was only a dream. We put the phone down and I started crying again. Like grief was a hamster that had crawled into my heart and died there. I couldn't shift it.

I phoned home:

Dad: "Hello?"
Me: (between sobs) "Can I speak to mum please?"
Dad: "I'll just get her, are you ill?"
Me: "No, I just dreamt she was dying." (start crying again)

Mum: "Hello...I'm fine..."
Me: Crying....

ANYWAY...i had a good catch up with my mum which was nice.

I guess last night made me realise two things. Just how much I love my parents and how blessed I am to have them. Once I'd got over the imaginary, false grief I thanked God for the wonderful Mum and Dad I have.

ok, melodrama over!

God rocks my socks.

hoozah! I love freshers week...

To cut a long story short...Highlights:

1)Coincidences (?) like meeting a girl who is in my old room in halls, is doing the same course as me and also does kickboxing.
2)More freshers at events than ever before
3)A lunchbar which really havent worked at goldsmiths previously attracted around 30 people
4)A whole mix of Christians and non Christians and exciting stories to listen to from excited freshers about their faith and how God has worked in their being at Goldsmiths
5)A whole host of great gospel comversations. I love the gospel and I love sharing it especially when you get a reaction like: "So when can we start reading the Bible together?"

6)The way God makes me think and do things randomly and then wonder why I havent before...At Freshers fayre I asked a guy if he would be interested in CHristianity Explored (obviously expressed in different words!) We don't actually have a Christinaity Explored course. But now we do. And since then a whole bunch of other conversations have happened and people signed up. God rocks my socks.

obsessions

At the moment I feel like Im in mourning. I feel like I have lost a friend, like someone has dies or I've broken up with the love of my life. It's weird and I'm feeling so down that I've been driven to writing an entry on a blog that's seen hardly any movement in the last few months. Maybe this will now kick me back into action.

It seems over the top, ridiculous how I'm feeling, and on one level it is and on another it's not.

Two weeks ago, Lee, my kickboxing instructor informed us that he would no longer be doing the twice weekly training classes. These classes had become the highlight of my week. Not only have I fallen in love with martial arts, but training for 4 hours a week plus another 5 socialising in bars with the guys I train with the little group had become the place where my best friends resided. Best friends and an awesome gospel opportunity.

Kickboxing has become my number one love after Jesus and friends and family. Not the sport, get fit kickboxing but the martial arts, training kickboxing. I threw myself into training over the summer to push myself past a plateau point and i fell in love with the art and with the people i train with. I began to share the gospel with them. We talked,we argued, we laughed.

I've been trying out different places and classes in the hope of finding alternatives but theyre either massively overpriced or just sport/aerobics based and plain ridiculous.

So what is this? A woe is me entry? I dunno, maybe a bit. It's weird. I never realised how much I loved what I did. Did I make an idol of it? I dunno. I don't think so. I think I've just loved learning something new, progressing in it seeing a change in my body and feeling full of energy. I've found it exciting to see how I can use the body that God has created and marvel in the art and all it's intricasies. An example of the wonder of creation.

I've loved developing friendships with the guys I train with and praying for opporunitites to share Jesus with them, and seeing that prayer answered.

So is the obsession wrong? I don't think so. I guess it only becomes wrong when the lack of it drives me to despair and when I don't grasp the new challenges it presents me with and try and find alternatives. I believe God has given me the love for the art and I long to use it for his glory but I have to be careful of making it an idol.

Blah.not really sure what my point is.

why hello...

I havent been blogging cos ive been busy...devon, momentum, forum, nottingham and moving house. here are a few little pictures, back to front in order.

pod...on top of the world. or, just the peak district! 

dovedale...look at all the space!  

reading and praying ontop of a mountain. together. does it get any better?! 

anna and anna happy days 

:) 

anna and pod enjoy the delights of momentum! 

camping with bex at momentum. i love this girl. 

ah...a holiday! 

loving the sea and reflections... 

mads having a cream tea in 'cockington'..an unfortunate name for a very lovely place in devon 

down by the canal... 

hello world.

Phew it's been a long time...

I've had a little holiday. Highlights of the last 2 weeks:

1. Spending a weekend with ally g at soul survivor on the UCCF stand.

2. Receieving a text from ally g 3 days later telling me of his engagement to the lover-ly anna - HOOZAH!

3. Spending a few days in devon with my grandparents and good friend mads. sitting on the beach, reading, eating good food, going to little villages and some caves

4. Momentum (soul survivor for older people) and being there as a punter but being able to spend time with a bunch of UCCF people-anna Mc, Kenny and Anna and Pod. Friends from church and CU there too. Praising Jesus, listening to some great teaching. praying together. Enjoying the chilled atmosphere. Not enjoying the rain.

5. Being back in london with a bottle of wine, a chinese take out and catching up with my housemate laurel and trying to help her understand the weird workings of why non-christians might go to a christian festival and then decide that they want to become christians. happy days.

doctor doctor...

Went to the doctors today. I need more tests. It seems that not only do I have inflammation of the stomach lining I may now also have it in the bowel too...though i think this is diagnosable without cameras...so no more pretty pictures of my insides I'm afraid!

In other news I really like watering plants. Theres something homely and earthy about it. That, and stroking the cat.

Two friends came over tonight to cheer me up. That was nice.

I've burnt my hand on boiling water I poured from the kettle. It hurts.

I have to go to bed...hoping to get to work tomorrow.

where am I thinking?

It is hard to follow a despised, crucified Messiah - unless we fix our eyes on the end. If we do not aim for the new heaven and the new earth, many of our values and decisions in this wolrd will be myopic, unworthy, tarnished, fundamentally wrong-headed. To put the matter bluntly: can biblical spirituality long survive where Christians are not oriented to the world to come? And, in this context, can we expect to pray aright unless we are oriented to the world to come?
- a call to spiritual reformation by D. A. Carson -

In light of this, when I pray, for what am i giving thanks? my thankfulness will reflect the way I think. Indeed everything I pray for, and the way I pray for it reflects my priorities.

How does even the way I pray refect the way I see the world, others, myself and my God? When I pray am I so short sighted and earth bound that I fail to pray in a way that is in tune with God's heart and the prayers of the Bible, of the apostles? What is my greatest priority when I pray for others, when I pray for myself?

How many of my anxieties and selfishnesses would melt away if only I fixed my eyes on Jesus, on the reality of Hell and of the prize that awaits me?