Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Hello world, you need Jesus.

Today, having had a chat about faith etc with one of my old housemates I text her about the christianity explored course. This was what i received:

"Tis not that I'm too busy pet, just there's other things id rather do with my time. Already am fully aware of my religious belieifs. However you have my full support and im sure itll be a v succesful programme :) xx"

Guess Im gutted. Even though there's 11 definates, the people i so desperately want to come and stop running from God are those i love, the girls ive spent the last two years with, sharing every aspect of my life. How it hurts when, unpassionately, they simply are not interested. Not even angry. Have I really not preached the gospel well? Have I not lived the gospel well...maybe they have just seen nothing that shines hope, truth and life. Or maybe quite simply their hearts are hardened and the choice has been made. Am I just a seed or is it the end of the road for them? I pray with everything within me that it is not. That this denying is only for a season.

Meanwhile, I went to Taekwondo tonight and met a great bunch of people, fought hard and came out smiling. Most importantly I shared some stuff from MArk's gosepl with a couple of them over chinese food and chatted about the identity of Jesus, sin and abundant grace. "Becci, I think God's sent you as a kick up my backside" (one said to me-a 'closet christian'!) and the other, well, for the time being she's happy to 'pic and mix' her religious beliefs.

Friday, October 06, 2006

a night to remember...

Last night I dreamt my mum was dying of cancer. It was horrific. Made more horrific by the fact that there was nothing unusual in the dream. That's what convinces us throughout a traumatic dream that it's ok. Deep down, even in that sleepy place we know that something doesn't add up with reality, something is odd.

My dream about my mum was so consistent with reality that, try as I might I couldnt find anything as a dreamt that would remind me it was ok, I'd wake up. Right down to my parents' mannerism, the way they spoke to me, the little sweet thing my Dad did for my Mum to cheer her up, my father's way of saying things are ok when I know they're not; that face he wears. And even the way my mum smelt. I could smell her as she gave me a hug.

I woke up absolutely bawling my eyes out. I couldn't stop. I phoned Pod (it was 7am by this point) and he listened, told me it was only a dream. We put the phone down and I started crying again. Like grief was a hamster that had crawled into my heart and died there. I couldn't shift it.

I phoned home:

Dad: "Hello?"
Me: (between sobs) "Can I speak to mum please?"
Dad: "I'll just get her, are you ill?"
Me: "No, I just dreamt she was dying." (start crying again)

Mum: "Hello...I'm fine..."
Me: Crying....

ANYWAY...i had a good catch up with my mum which was nice.

I guess last night made me realise two things. Just how much I love my parents and how blessed I am to have them. Once I'd got over the imaginary, false grief I thanked God for the wonderful Mum and Dad I have.

ok, melodrama over!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

God rocks my socks.

hoozah! I love freshers week...

To cut a long story short...Highlights:

1)Coincidences (?) like meeting a girl who is in my old room in halls, is doing the same course as me and also does kickboxing.
2)More freshers at events than ever before
3)A lunchbar which really havent worked at goldsmiths previously attracted around 30 people
4)A whole mix of Christians and non Christians and exciting stories to listen to from excited freshers about their faith and how God has worked in their being at Goldsmiths
5)A whole host of great gospel comversations. I love the gospel and I love sharing it especially when you get a reaction like: "So when can we start reading the Bible together?"

6)The way God makes me think and do things randomly and then wonder why I havent before...At Freshers fayre I asked a guy if he would be interested in CHristianity Explored (obviously expressed in different words!) We don't actually have a Christinaity Explored course. But now we do. And since then a whole bunch of other conversations have happened and people signed up. God rocks my socks.