Monday, October 25, 2004

a 10 letter word

1. Zealous preaching and dissemination of the gospel, as through missionary work.
2. Militant zeal for a cause.

Dictionary definitions never quite express emotions. Recntly my mind has been obsessed with that one little word. Everywhere I turn it's been there. staring me in the face.

At times it's filled me with excitment as my housemates ask questions, discuss things, laugh at me, ask to read the Bible or say they'll come the church.

At other times it's filled me with internal 'I wish I wasn't' blushing as on friday when three of us from CU went about college conducting questionnaries with students about their religious beliefs in order to chat to them about Jesus.

Similalrly it's filled me with shame as in the last week I've sat in two sermons on that 10 letter word and I realise I'm not witnessing enough.

In a club on Friday the word filled me sorrow as God gave me fresh eyes to see what was going on around and the depth of need.

Tonight it fills me with frustration as I try to prepare a seminar I've been asked to do for students at a houseparty on the subject and feel un-qualified.

Last night it made me cry as I thought back over the week and the times I hadn't been different enough when I desperately want to shine.

And this morning it fuelled my prayers as I thought of my housemates, all our conversations, but how only the Holy Spirit can open their eyes.

Despite my obbsession, and at times stressful relationship with this word this week, nonetheless it has drawn me back to God for whom alone I obsess. And as one more of my scattered longings is drawn back to the source I'm reminded it's not about the word and all the connotations it's implied for me this week it's about Him. It's His work and He works despite all my failings! Roger Carswell at 'Only One Life' (a london wide student conference on Thursday) summed it up: 'There's no words wasted, there's no time wasted, there's no money wasted, there's no tears wasted when they're employed in the work of evanglism in the hands of almighty God.'

Praise God he can use bums like me.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

where have all the postings gone?

The concept of blogging still frightens me hence the scarcity of my posts. My private journaling continues day in day out, or, if I'm particularly busy or particularly emotional anywhere from 3 times a day to twice a week. So why do my words stop flowing when I'm staring at a screen rather than a page? Business comes close to an explanation but doesn't cut all the way. Lack of internet access in my room also contributes but I think rather it's that fear that comes with pride. The fear of failing. The fear of having to look at what I've written and being embarrassed by it's lack of literary excellence and knowing that out there in cyber space there are others, not just myself, reading what I'm writing. And that's why my writing is scarce and the enthusiasm with which I started out has waned.

Friday, October 15, 2004

im in print!

yay Posted by Hello

Please allow me a small amount of showing off time. This is my photo in the London Student Paper, Europes largest student newspaper. I'm very excited. I have applied to be on the photogaphy team for the paper and although i have two pictures in this issue i very much doubt i'll get a position. This is due to the overwhelming fact that 40 people are going for 12 jobs and they all have tons more experience, and no, doubt, expertise than me! But still, it's one more thing in my collection to show off about!

goldsmtihs is cool

cool Posted by Hello

how cool is this? Goldsmiths is cool! And what a cool photo that is too. It must have been taken by a cool person. I wonder who?

(click on it to be able to read the article and admire the cool photo)

Thursday, October 14, 2004


what is that all over your face? Posted by Hello

what is the most natural thing to do after a night out on the dance floor when you're feet are hurting, your ears are ringing from dancing next to the speakers? Why, it's put on a face mask of course! Evidently.

This is a shot of laurel and Sam the man soaking up ginger and melon, or some other fancy creation, applied by lady Sam (hat only visible)

picture day

prom night Posted by Hello

My happy housemates (and one honourary)

from left to right...megan (from USA here for a term studying theatre) Vicki (from USA here for a term studying a mish mash thing) Margot (she's from BElgium, has live din Thailand all her life and amazingly can hardly speak thai?! studying media) Laurel (shes a brit lass and studying popular music. the sweetest voice of all) James (our honourary housemate is also studying popular music. james rocks) Me (yeah) Sam (from birmingham, studying media) and Sam (another brit studying theatre. she ahs a contract with capital FM and other scary, fascinating contacts)and then finally on the far right is my door

so yes, there are two sams. And so we have developed ways of identifying who's who. Creatively, as thats the kinda bunch we are we've given them really interesting nicknames. They are, wait for it...Sam the Man (or man sam if he's being irritating) and Lady Sam.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

arty farty

On Tuesday I took a trip to the Tate Modern with my friend Daniel, from home. Daniel's one of those 'ive known him all my life' guys. There's something so wonderfully stabilising and relieving about spending time with someone who knows you inside out and yet loves you anyway. As we trotted from piece to piece, room to room, turning our nose up at some, laughing at others, feeling just totally lost, bemused and confused by others, there were those pieces that drew us in, captured our attention and brought forth enagegment (with the art that is. not with each other. well we did engage, but in a conversation sense. not a ring sense. oh never mind). From our mouths that had been so used to shouting 'bus 21' and giggling through church came words such as 'signifies', 'resonates', 'composition', 'tone' and other scarily intelligent things. Usually we just concluded with a 'hmmm, very intersting...' which wasn't particularly inteliigent. But it was. Interesting.

It got me thinking...about Christian Union. Strangely enough. Out of 3000 peeps that attend Goldsmiths, only 25ish go to the CU. Thats an 'ish' becuase it changes. Anyway. CU has been a lot of delights. But why is there so few christians at art colleges? Without wanting to launch into some ultimately naive and arrogant piece of theological rant there's 3 possibilities I've been wondering about of late...

1. Are Christians scared of art? It's that scary moment when you walk into an art gallery and bang! there's a naked lady staring you in the face. Or rather shes not, but her nakedness is. And all such like of stuff that we get so confused becuse were supposed to flee and keep our minds pure. But there is loads of stuff inside of art and media that is impure and a real challenge. It's down right scary. So it's easier to totally run away then poke a little toe in and attempt to engage.

2. Are Christians taught an upside down value system? (in terms of profession) Somehow are we subtly told that to be a doctor or teacher is more credible (especially if you can then use it on the mission field...!). Subjects that can advance society and help people. On the other hand, becuase there is always 2 (unless u have one missing), becuase we follow Jesus and Jesus was a social changer and activist we have a natral in built desire to serve mankind. Vocationally type jobs do lend themslevs better I guess. Ooo, but on the third hand, maybe it's just less scary.

3. sure there is a thrid point. Without making a really christiany joke...ok there we have it, I made it. My 3 point sermon needs a completion. It's not that I say this becuase I'm here at an arty farty place. I'm still scared. Goldsmiths is lucky. On average art college CUs have about 3 members. Are there other reasons? Is it just coincidence.

The greatest artist I ever met made me (giggle) and tells me im made in his image. So im off now to float a cow in phmaldyhide.

Friday, October 01, 2004

ode to my cousin

I have a cousin called rich
He is a bit of a star
On wendnesday when things went wrong
He picked me up in his car

At half past 12 at night
Richard knocked on my door
He drove me to his house
And listened to me pour

Rich is cool and kind
i love him very much
he's going to be embarrassed
when he reads all this mush!

But i had to write him an ode
for he deserves to read
what a fluffy bunny he is
And im very grateful indeed!