it's my birthday tomorrow

Here i sit on the 12th January 2005 contemplating the year ahead. Tomorrow I turn 21. The thing is when everyone was reveiwing 2004 on the 1st of January I wasn't. I think this birthday is making me think more than anything. Maybe becuase this time last year I was in Belfast, had begun to think about leaving and was entering that down ward spiral of craziness.

But maybe becuase '21' is shouting 'grow up' to me! I should probably have been more adultic when I turned 18. Maybe I did, but it was that false maturity you think you have when you're 18. All big and grown up. In the last 3 years since, I have realised how little and insignificant I really am. And now, as I turn 21 I think I have to start being an adult when previously I could get away with being immature.

and I feel like my age is rapidly over taking my maturity. For most of my teens I was always thought to be older than I was and that was ego boosting. To have a maturity beyond my age. And now? Well I kinda feel my age is overtaking my maturity and leaving me far behind squandering in immatuturity! but I acually don't care.

Maybe it's just that I've learnt how to be me and accept me for me. Maybe that's why this birthday is special. Becuase this time last year I was in a totally different place.