a new chapter...
Today I went to a different church from the one I have been going to (one of the yucky decisions ive made)...it installed the correct meaning back into the word 'community'...
one of the weirdest things about this church was discovering that no less than 4 people go there who are ex-goldsmiths CU presidents. One of them dating back to 1981...I wasn't even born then and in those days there was around 100 members. gulp.
It was weird becuase of one of the other decisions I've made this week. To hand over as president. This has been a heart wrenching decision. Not becuase I'm surgically attached to the job (although it has somewhat become surgically attached to me!) but becuase there's noone obvious to hand over to. So what do you do?
Do you carry on when you know you are exhausted but know that God has used you throughout the year? Do you carry on shouldering the responsibility for something that no longer makes your heart beat faster becuase you know to let go is to risk things falling apart?
When all is said and done, I know I have to hand over for my own discipleship and for the discipleship of the CU...The CU have become too reliant on me and I, similarly may have become too reliant on me. In order for the CU to grow and to step up to the plate of responsibility, I have to step down. And in order for me to start accepting God's authority over the CU a bit more and seeing his ownership, rather than mine, I have to step down.
This process has hurt as I've owned up to my pride and lack of reliance of grace. Recognsing that it's ok to walk away from something is bruising to the ego. At the same time, letting go has been freeing. I feel so much freer to spend time with my course friends and work on my degree which is what drew me to Goldsmiths in the first place. My year as president has been reall tough, and though I've learnt alot, and seen God do alot, it's caused much heartache aswell. That's leadership I guess.
I have to replace my concern for the future of the CU's leadership with prayer for it. Knowing that the CU is God's and I am not indispensable...I wait, excited to see what God will do with Goldsmiths CU becuase where his children are, there he is also.
posted by becci brown @ 3:36 pm
3 comments
3 Comments:
It's a funny old game isn't it? Realising the CU that was your baby is growing up and you don't have to hold it's hand anymore. Well, maybe it might be nice to but it's time to let it grow up, not without you, but with you in a different role. Less hands on. Take the stabilisers off and let it pedal on. It's something I have to keep reminding me and Lib: we are important in God's plans, but not essential. He chooses to use us but He doesn't HAVE to. We can hand over to Him and (surprise surprise!) things don't fall apart cos the reality is that He was the one holding it together all along. Stepping down from committee is really tough but really rewarding. Enjoy it.
Thanks for your reflections. Moving on is wierd and realising that God can make ministry happen without ME is always heartwrenching. Keep runnin' the race.
to be honest, im actually really glad God can do it without me...partly becuase ive had enough and am done in and partly becuase there isn't anyone obvious to take over and if I felt that God wasnt totally in control then I would be feeling guilt at walking away, and indeed, wouldnt be able to do so! right now I have never been so grateful that I am not indispensable!
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