Are you good God?

Last week there was a moment when I felt that something really special was either going to be snatched away from me and lead to devastation, or given to me and lead to rejoicing. I felt on a knife-edge between despair and hope. And I knew also, that it was partly my fault I was in this position. I longed to know what the outcome would be and yet was so fearful to know too in case it went the wrong way. And yet I Knew there's nothing I could do except wait and pray.

And trust God's sovereignty. And yet, trusting God's sovereignty is the tough part. How easy it is to rejoice in His sovereignty when I get what I want, but to rejoice just as greatly when I don't? To procalim that God is good with just as much belief and certainty in the face of despair as in joy? Can I do that?

I battled with God that day, not to give me what I wanted, but to give me a heart that trusted his sovereignty 100% and believe no matter what happned that He was good.

In the end, it all worked out and I could get on my knees and thank God for his mercy, his grace and for giving me the desires of my heart.

How often I must make God sad when I only thank him for these good things and not for the things he gives me daily, the things I overlook, or the things that don't make sense or are hard for me to swallow. How often, when i receive good gifts from God, I question whether they are actually good, if I should be receiving them. How I must make God sad.

Praise him for his grace and mercy, for his sovereignty and goodness!!