brain pain

I have brain pain.

You know brain feeze when you eat an icey thing, usually a slush puppy or in my case coffee frescatos from costa, too quickly? It's like that only it's from thinking and engaging too much. Brain pain. New phrase.

Now I'm told that becuase i have artistic tendencies i am naturally more self-reflexive. I like this explanation because somehow it gives credibility to what I always termed as egotism.

Well today I have been thinking about thinking about thinking and I have brain pain. Thursday's in general do that. 9-2 lectures and seminars, straight through, no break. First lecture 9-11 was on Michel Foucualt and his analysis of truth. I would LIKE to point out at this point that contary to popular believe Michel Foucault does not deny truth. He rather sought to explore what constructed truth discourses, the power structures involved. Of course, if you push that to it's furtherest extreme where you might end up is in the land of no absoultes and THAT my friends is a scary, depressing, brain paining place to be.

Then I contended with a media studies lecture and seminar about globalisation etc and am confirming my own theory more and more that media studies is SO up it's own backside and possibly, just possibly, shallow.

Problem is, usually come 2pm I switch off, go home, do some reading partly switched on then go to aerobics.

Oh no, not today. Today I just kept on thinking.

I thought how the day was cold and extremity freezing off...which led me to thoughts of Belfast days and reminded me of the day Ally and I ran around central Belfast, he with a disposable camera and me with a black and white film in mine to capture sights, patterns, colours, textures, juxtapositions-anything that captured our imagination. and then that got me thinking about why i was remembering that particular memory and that was another train of thought-about the fact ally had been oevr last night and had looked at some fo my photography and we laughed at some old memories. and the fact the weather was very 'belfasty' today.

then I went to sainsburys and thought about all the reasons I was putting certain things into my basket. and what each thing signified.

>1 bag of salad (inflated with loads of preserving chemicals that are bad for me)
>5 cox's apples (that looked like theyd come from a market rather than mass produced with chemicals for a supermarket. refreshing)
>2 boxes of danone activa yoghurts (i am such a passive consumer of the media-i actually believe that these are good for my digestion and undo effects of the salad preservatives)
>1 bag of chocolate snowmen (for my housemates cos it's cold and they get grumpy. I also wonder how effective chocolate evangelism is...reminded me of last years unsuccessful HUGE tin of Quality Street I bought at exam time and got the blame for extra weight everyone put on last year)
>1 bottle of mulled wine (for all stated reasons above. cold. grumpy. digestion. chemicals. uh huh huh)
>hair conditioner, deodrant, toothpaste (inward grumpiness about how i HAVE to buy these things to make me socially acceptable but they're such a waster of money for this reason. But then again, I do want friends.)

Then I walked home listening to a CD about surrendering to God and realised previous posts would never be issues if only I could

I walked past a school with kids in little t-shirts doing PE. I thought about paedophiles having a hay-day. I thought about how the kids are probably doing more damgae wearing next to nothing and exercising in this weather than they would by not doing exercise. I thought about how, if sport was more central to the curriculum kids would perfrom better in academics and we might actually win something in the olympics other than curling. which wasnt even the english.

I walked down the street and thought about amazing leaves, creation, nature and how romantic autumn is. I got lost in some more memories and how many cool things ive seen and done in my tiny little life.

(brain pain also occurs during essay writing and has the temdancy to make one look really rough)

I walked down my street and a couple walked towards me with the sun pokig between their heads and reflecting off their hair in a halo of romance. I thought what a great photo it would take. and that thats all some photos are-lost, never to be taken. some moments you just can't capture.

My cowboy boots were the only noise on the sunlit deserted street yet the echo bouncing off the terraced houses made me turn around expectantly looking for a friend or housemate. I thought about the weirdness of sound and brain expectation.

The post I received made me think about my time in derby as one of the girls i lived with sent me a wedding invite. i thought about how cool it is she's getting married but how crazy when she's only known the guy for 6 months. I thought about how funny my brother is. I thought about how I wish the doctors would stop giving my mum tablets and actually do some proper tests on her head. I though about colombia once again as i recieved news one of my cousins and family from ther are spending christmas with us-hoorah!! I thought about how impersonals and funny UCCF can be but how simultaneously people centred they are too. I though about how therfore indiviudals within a corporation are so different, they make up the organsiation and yet at the same time create it's diversity. diversity and unity. like the trinity, like creation.

i thought about how i needed to stop thinking. it's only just gone 2pm and i have brain pain.

Loz and Sam just found their chocolate snowmen...now im thinking about reward self gratification and pride and feelings of 'aren't i such a great housemate'...