uncertain days

I wanna write something but i don't know how to begin, how to middle or how to end.

About uncertain days. About relationships, about mice, about PHDs, about photography, Goldsmiths, ministry, Church Planting and CU. A whole concomitance of craziness that's just so uncertain. Everything I once thought, on it's head. My future and my now.

Which is cool don't get me wrong. It's about time I began to take uncertainty seriously and rely on God. But I just don't know where to begin in my thinking or in my changing, or in my decision making.

Too many decisions to make. Some which can wait, some which can't becuase the decisions I take now will affect those decisions and so I need to carefully make the now decisions. But so many other future things reast on the now decisions. Like one big wheel of affecting-ness. Some which I'm getting crap advice on, some which I'm getting a whole pile of advice on but noone says the same thing and some which the advice is all great and encouraging but it was the same advice as all the times before when id been talking about something completley different. "Yeah, that's GREAT Becci, go for it, you're really gifted/called/great at...XYZ...". And no, It's not becuas I'm great at everything. Good job, or life would be even more uncertain and complicated than it already is.

And it's my own stupid fault it's this complicated anyway. Well, no not strictly true. God has some say in it too...although i wonder how much of that verse 'the good works he has planned in advance for you to do' (ephesians) I've oversteppd those he had planned in advance and done just a few too many...Or maybe Im just incredidly fickle and immature.

Im making no sense.
I'm gonna shut up
i dont even make sense to me
yes, becci that is entirely the problem
and now im talking to myself