in the source

Hello world, you need Jesus.

2006-10-10T23:35:00.000+01:00

Today, having had a chat about faith etc with one of my old housemates I text her about the christianity explored course. This was what i received:

"Tis not that I'm too busy pet, just there's other things id rather do with my time. Already am fully aware of my religious belieifs. However you have my full support and im sure itll be a v succesful programme :) xx"

Guess Im gutted. Even though there's 11 definates, the people i so desperately want to come and stop running from God are those i love, the girls ive spent the last two years with, sharing every aspect of my life. How it hurts when, unpassionately, they simply are not interested. Not even angry. Have I really not preached the gospel well? Have I not lived the gospel well...maybe they have just seen nothing that shines hope, truth and life. Or maybe quite simply their hearts are hardened and the choice has been made. Am I just a seed or is it the end of the road for them? I pray with everything within me that it is not. That this denying is only for a season.

Meanwhile, I went to Taekwondo tonight and met a great bunch of people, fought hard and came out smiling. Most importantly I shared some stuff from MArk's gosepl with a couple of them over chinese food and chatted about the identity of Jesus, sin and abundant grace. "Becci, I think God's sent you as a kick up my backside" (one said to me-a 'closet christian'!) and the other, well, for the time being she's happy to 'pic and mix' her religious beliefs.

a night to remember...

2006-10-06T11:47:00.000+01:00

Last night I dreamt my mum was dying of cancer. It was horrific. Made more horrific by the fact that there was nothing unusual in the dream. That's what convinces us throughout a traumatic dream that it's ok. Deep down, even in that sleepy place we know that something doesn't add up with reality, something is odd.

My dream about my mum was so consistent with reality that, try as I might I couldnt find anything as a dreamt that would remind me it was ok, I'd wake up. Right down to my parents' mannerism, the way they spoke to me, the little sweet thing my Dad did for my Mum to cheer her up, my father's way of saying things are ok when I know they're not; that face he wears. And even the way my mum smelt. I could smell her as she gave me a hug.

I woke up absolutely bawling my eyes out. I couldn't stop. I phoned Pod (it was 7am by this point) and he listened, told me it was only a dream. We put the phone down and I started crying again. Like grief was a hamster that had crawled into my heart and died there. I couldn't shift it.

I phoned home:

Dad: "Hello?"
Me: (between sobs) "Can I speak to mum please?"
Dad: "I'll just get her, are you ill?"
Me: "No, I just dreamt she was dying." (start crying again)

Mum: "Hello...I'm fine..."
Me: Crying....

ANYWAY...i had a good catch up with my mum which was nice.

I guess last night made me realise two things. Just how much I love my parents and how blessed I am to have them. Once I'd got over the imaginary, false grief I thanked God for the wonderful Mum and Dad I have.

ok, melodrama over!

God rocks my socks.

2006-10-01T22:56:00.000+01:00

hoozah! I love freshers week...

To cut a long story short...Highlights:

1)Coincidences (?) like meeting a girl who is in my old room in halls, is doing the same course as me and also does kickboxing.
2)More freshers at events than ever before
3)A lunchbar which really havent worked at goldsmiths previously attracted around 30 people
4)A whole mix of Christians and non Christians and exciting stories to listen to from excited freshers about their faith and how God has worked in their being at Goldsmiths
5)A whole host of great gospel comversations. I love the gospel and I love sharing it especially when you get a reaction like: "So when can we start reading the Bible together?"

6)The way God makes me think and do things randomly and then wonder why I havent before...At Freshers fayre I asked a guy if he would be interested in CHristianity Explored (obviously expressed in different words!) We don't actually have a Christinaity Explored course. But now we do. And since then a whole bunch of other conversations have happened and people signed up. God rocks my socks.

obsessions

2006-09-28T21:51:00.001+01:00

At the moment I feel like Im in mourning. I feel like I have lost a friend, like someone has dies or I've broken up with the love of my life. It's weird and I'm feeling so down that I've been driven to writing an entry on a blog that's seen hardly any movement in the last few months. Maybe this will now kick me back into action.

It seems over the top, ridiculous how I'm feeling, and on one level it is and on another it's not.

Two weeks ago, Lee, my kickboxing instructor informed us that he would no longer be doing the twice weekly training classes. These classes had become the highlight of my week. Not only have I fallen in love with martial arts, but training for 4 hours a week plus another 5 socialising in bars with the guys I train with the little group had become the place where my best friends resided. Best friends and an awesome gospel opportunity.

Kickboxing has become my number one love after Jesus and friends and family. Not the sport, get fit kickboxing but the martial arts, training kickboxing. I threw myself into training over the summer to push myself past a plateau point and i fell in love with the art and with the people i train with. I began to share the gospel with them. We talked,we argued, we laughed.

I've been trying out different places and classes in the hope of finding alternatives but theyre either massively overpriced or just sport/aerobics based and plain ridiculous.

So what is this? A woe is me entry? I dunno, maybe a bit. It's weird. I never realised how much I loved what I did. Did I make an idol of it? I dunno. I don't think so. I think I've just loved learning something new, progressing in it seeing a change in my body and feeling full of energy. I've found it exciting to see how I can use the body that God has created and marvel in the art and all it's intricasies. An example of the wonder of creation.

I've loved developing friendships with the guys I train with and praying for opporunitites to share Jesus with them, and seeing that prayer answered.

So is the obsession wrong? I don't think so. I guess it only becomes wrong when the lack of it drives me to despair and when I don't grasp the new challenges it presents me with and try and find alternatives. I believe God has given me the love for the art and I long to use it for his glory but I have to be careful of making it an idol.

Blah.not really sure what my point is.

why hello...

2006-09-20T19:19:00.000+01:00

I havent been blogging cos ive been busy...devon, momentum, forum, nottingham and moving house. here are a few little pictures, back to front in order.

2006-09-20T19:17:00.000+01:00

pod...on top of the world. or, just the peak district!

2006-09-20T19:16:00.001+01:00

dovedale...look at all the space!

2006-09-20T19:16:00.000+01:00

reading and praying ontop of a mountain. together. does it get any better?!

2006-09-20T19:15:00.001+01:00

anna and anna happy days

2006-09-20T19:15:00.000+01:00

2006-09-20T19:14:00.000+01:00

anna and pod enjoy the delights of momentum!

2006-09-20T19:13:00.002+01:00

camping with bex at momentum. i love this girl.

2006-09-20T19:13:00.001+01:00

ah...a holiday!

2006-09-20T19:13:00.000+01:00

loving the sea and reflections...

2006-09-20T19:12:00.000+01:00

mads having a cream tea in 'cockington'..an unfortunate name for a very lovely place in devon

2006-09-20T19:11:00.000+01:00

down by the canal...

hello world.

2006-08-24T15:39:00.000+01:00

Phew it's been a long time...

I've had a little holiday. Highlights of the last 2 weeks:

1. Spending a weekend with ally g at soul survivor on the UCCF stand.

2. Receieving a text from ally g 3 days later telling me of his engagement to the lover-ly anna - HOOZAH!

3. Spending a few days in devon with my grandparents and good friend mads. sitting on the beach, reading, eating good food, going to little villages and some caves

4. Momentum (soul survivor for older people) and being there as a punter but being able to spend time with a bunch of UCCF people-anna Mc, Kenny and Anna and Pod. Friends from church and CU there too. Praising Jesus, listening to some great teaching. praying together. Enjoying the chilled atmosphere. Not enjoying the rain.

5. Being back in london with a bottle of wine, a chinese take out and catching up with my housemate laurel and trying to help her understand the weird workings of why non-christians might go to a christian festival and then decide that they want to become christians. happy days.

doctor doctor...

2006-08-07T23:01:00.000+01:00

Went to the doctors today. I need more tests. It seems that not only do I have inflammation of the stomach lining I may now also have it in the bowel too...though i think this is diagnosable without cameras...so no more pretty pictures of my insides I'm afraid!

In other news I really like watering plants. Theres something homely and earthy about it. That, and stroking the cat.

Two friends came over tonight to cheer me up. That was nice.

I've burnt my hand on boiling water I poured from the kettle. It hurts.

I have to go to bed...hoping to get to work tomorrow.

where am I thinking?

2006-08-07T19:22:00.000+01:00

It is hard to follow a despised, crucified Messiah - unless we fix our eyes on the end. If we do not aim for the new heaven and the new earth, many of our values and decisions in this wolrd will be myopic, unworthy, tarnished, fundamentally wrong-headed. To put the matter bluntly: can biblical spirituality long survive where Christians are not oriented to the world to come? And, in this context, can we expect to pray aright unless we are oriented to the world to come?
- a call to spiritual reformation by D. A. Carson -

In light of this, when I pray, for what am i giving thanks? my thankfulness will reflect the way I think. Indeed everything I pray for, and the way I pray for it reflects my priorities.

How does even the way I pray refect the way I see the world, others, myself and my God? When I pray am I so short sighted and earth bound that I fail to pray in a way that is in tune with God's heart and the prayers of the Bible, of the apostles? What is my greatest priority when I pray for others, when I pray for myself?

How many of my anxieties and selfishnesses would melt away if only I fixed my eyes on Jesus, on the reality of Hell and of the prize that awaits me?

sadness.

2006-08-05T22:47:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I feel really overwhelmed with sadness. My own sadness, the sadness of my friends, the lostness of my friends, the brokenness of my friends and people I know. I feel overwhelmed with sadness at stuff going on around the world, wars, natural disasters, poverty. sometimes when im in london, passing estates with smashed out windows, yellow billboards advertising the latest murder and desolation on the streets I feel overwhelmed with the needs of people to the point of paralsis and anxiety at how on earth anything can be done.

It's at times like this I am so glad that God knows and understands. I groan with creation, I groan with the groaners for the new heavens and the new earth; for restoration, for peace, for healing and wholness, for every tear to be wiped away and the day we will reign with the king. Meanwhile, my heart breaks.

blah.

2006-08-05T22:46:00.000+01:00

Urgh, I'm so fed up of having stomach aches...like every few days for the last month. Not being able to eat properly and spending sleepless nights on the toilet and cancelling countless shifts at work. Maybe I should pay a visit to my friendly GP...

yay for the gospel.

2006-07-23T17:16:00.000+01:00

So yesterday i had the strangest of days. i can't write what i was doing for the most part, will do at some point through, but at lunchtime i found myself in a cafe...

As I was sitting there eating some breadpudding and reading the guardian this guy approaches me and asks if he can sit with me as he doesnt like to eat alone. Obviously, a few alarm bells ring in the mind, but, I tend to get myself into these situations and good usually comes so...

he sits down and we get chatting. turns out hes quite a famous buisness man but now working as a charity worker. He tells me about his search for happiness that took him to tibet and back again and pushed him to study many religions and different mystical traditions.

I asked him if he'd read the Bible and what he thought of Jesus...

We talked for an hour about Jesus, who he said he feels the greatest affinity, and even love for... and some interesting pluralist ideas he has. What an awesome hour that was.

I took his number, after some deliberation, and explaining of my deliberation but did so in asking if he would be up for meeting up in a group with other friends of mine, or his who were interested in talking about JEsus and religion. He said he would.

My task now is to get that going when I am back in london and get some other people on board, some of my non Christian friends and a couple of Christians.

I am....excited!!

i think about it and what went wrong

2006-07-18T22:49:00.000+01:00

Today i found some old tapes. One of them was an oldie of Bryan Adams'. On the way to kickboxing i cranked up the volume and reminisced.

I used to listen to this tape over and over and over again when I was about 14. For very specific reasons. Listening to the song 'Summer of '69' made me think about the summer of 98 and all it changed in me.

These are difficult memories for me. They werent the best days of my life, even though i kinda thought they were.

"I think about you and what went wrong." (summer of 69)

I've lived alot of my life in light of those days. Of the Bryan Adams days and the wishful ideologies of 'everything i do I do it for you.'

And yet despite the trauma God was birthing in me something new that year. A hunger for him and his word. I read Romans with a commentry and disovered the joy of theology and how learning things about God made me love him more and desire to serve him.

That's the nature of a year, and thats the nature of an album I guess. Bryan Adams has those passionate love songs that inspire confidence but also the searing, cutting ones.

I rarely talk about that year and i certainly have never blogged it. Even now, Ive not said much. But it's helped. thanks.

what would you say to Jesus.

2006-07-18T16:47:00.000+01:00

Pardeep Bhogal says: i wish jesus were in the room with me now. dont you ever think that? What would you say to him?

Becci Brown says: i would fall down on my face and thank him for his grace

id proclaim how cool and awsome i think he is

and how nothing compares to him.

i would say sorry for selling out and putting other things before him and not being on fire for him

i would ask why i forget how much he loves me and would ask for a hug

i would ask if ill ever stop beng anxious and if he could help me a bit mroe with that

id ask him what he wants me to do with my life

and what the 'good works he has planned beforehand' for me are

and ask him to set my heart on fire for him, to be zealous for those good works and serve him in them wholeheartedly

i would ask him to bring my housemates and ure parents and my friends on my course to know him

and i would just keep telling him how awesome he is

and ask him to make me more like him

2006-07-12T20:00:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I learnt that one of my youth leader's from my teens lost her fight with cancer. She leaves a husband and two daughters, aged 10 and 8. I am sad for their loss. I am grateful for the example and wonderful imput she gave to me in my early teens and for the fact she is now with Christ which is far better.

I long for the new heavens and new earth when all sorrow, sickness and sin will end.

TASTE and SEE that the Lord is good.

2006-07-08T18:12:00.000+01:00

"The Word became Flesh and dwelt amongst us." (John 1:14)

Betty Smackman ponders the link between words and images, the image as truth or protraying one side of truth, interpreted by the viewer and changed. The image as portraying the symbolic and how this impacts in religious iconography.

"Sometimes our vebal expression will not communicate and we must reach out with a touch or a kiss to get the point across. The problem is that even when we make a silent physical gesture we are often asked to explain ourselves in words, and the the words just dont work in the same way. God is merciful. He doesn't require that we always talk to him. He asks at times only that we 'taste and see' that he is good (Psalm 34:8). He wants to know that our desire is for him, and that our expereince of him is more lasting that the words we say about him or even to him."
(A profound weaknes-Christians and Kitsch)

'Rid yourselves, therefore, of all malice, and all guile, insincerity, envy, and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow into salvation - if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.'
(1 Peter 2:1-3)

this time last year...

2006-07-07T23:59:00.000+01:00

Today is a year since the bombings in London. Fortunately, I was not in London that day, but in Copenhagen with some pals.

I guess today I've thinking, not so much about what the news has but where I was at this time last year. It's been a mad year.

Today I've been asking myself questions.

Am I more in love with Jesus than I was on 7/7 last year?
Do I understand grace more than I did on 7/7 last year?
Am I more transformed through the renewal of my mind?
Do I have the same confidence in the gospel, as was displayed with my sharing it with a random drug dealer last year?
Do I appreciate more the bigness of God, am I more prepared to be bold and corageous?

These questions have been uncomfortable for me to ask becuase the answers havent been as comfortable and easy for me to know, as I would hope.

However, what I do know is that, a year on, God still has me in his hand. He has not let me go. And Jesus is the one who is the same yesterday today and forever. Praise him for his faithfulness.

2006-07-07T22:09:00.000+01:00

(postsecret)

2006-07-06T16:07:00.000+01:00

"The Christian is the one whose imagination should fly beyond the stars."
Francis A Schaeffer

have your way...

2006-07-06T09:36:00.000+01:00

"Jesus can we talk tonight
Like when we first met
I'm such a long way from the light
Why can't I see you yet?

Take me, have your way,
Though I don't feel you,
I will believe,
Take me, Lord I pray,
Just have your way in me

Lord I know it's time to go
Deeper waters call
I can't resist your Spirits flow
I'm not afraid at all"

(Tree 63)
(THANKS KATH!!)

good theology, good food, good family, good fun

2006-07-03T17:02:00.000+01:00

Last night when I realised the weekend was done, I noticed just how quickly it had gone and just how good it had been.

I spent the weekend at Richard and Ruth Cunningham's coverted mill house just outside oxford for the first student council weekend.

The weekend was one big happy jumbled mix of good food, sunshine, bouncing on the trampline, hanging out with their 5 awesome kids, awesome fellowship and long l;ong discussions around Mike Reeves' paper on churches and the CU.

We discussed the main issues that are pressing upon CUs at the moment and we especially focused on the theology of church and therefore the CU in light of the fact it is not church, from what small groups might be or not be to whether UCCF is 'inter-denominational' or 'non-denominational'!

We prayed for our regions and we discussed some of our part in the organisation and running of this year's 'Forum'

We played volleyball, we watched the football in a local pub, we ate more good food.

I marvelled at how great it was to spend a weekend with gospel loving folk eager to help CU's be living and speaking for Jesus. we laughed and i was given the entire potted history of Mary Queen of Scots.

I marvelled at Richard and Ruth and the awesome thing they ahve done to open their home in the way they do-the example that is and the way they use it not juts for UCCF groups but in the way theyre so intnetional with the folk in the village and all their friendships. Their sacrifce. Their love of the gospel compelling them.

I marvelled at Richard Cunnigham's round house kick.

And I marvelled again at the gospel.

here i am again.

2006-06-28T23:12:00.000+01:00

Blank post box. i really dont want to talk about my feelings right now. I always seem to be wrong anyway. And i will only want to delete the post in a few days. I will probably want to delete this post tomorrow. I deplore my melancholy. But it's my reality.

Fortunately i am loved by a God who sings over me, who lets me climb up in his lap.

martial arts and the art of life...

2006-06-24T23:37:00.000+01:00

I saw 'Fearless', the new martial arts film tonight. Amongst my joy of watching brill martial arts on screen, it reminded me of something more...Eastern arts are just as much about the mind and soul as they are about the body. To be a top martial artist is to use every energy the mind posseses in the control of the body.

How often do we fail to understand that about our faith? Jesus did not come to make us Christians but to make us human. He said 'I have come that you may have life, life in all it's fullness.' (John 8:32). Not that we would separate it off into 'spiritual' and 'secular' or those things that I do to make me 'godly' or 'spiritual' and then those that are simply in the 'neutral' zone of daily life.

As Dr. Francis Schaeffer said: "All of life is spiritual, except what is actually sin".

There is something so incredibly freeing about that.

2006-06-14T23:47:00.000+01:00

Sitting in the evening sun. All thats stopping me from falling into the thames is the bench im sitting on and the barrier; metal, black. between me and the water. Waiting for Jon to return. I think. Rays filtering through my hair, making what i see, golden. Except i have brown hair. St. Paul's ahead. Wondering what life holds now. Through misted teary eyes, I pray to the God of my life. Silouhettes; bridges, water, plants, my bare legs, south bank bars; buisness men and end of it all women. Lapping waves on industrial beaches. People step over my legs in a bid to get by, Crazy kids, end of school dance on a boat sail down the river. One guy calls out: "get them off!" I sit. Waiting. Waiting for God to show me where my life might be. Sun dances on peaks of the river thames. I close my eyes. I wait.

me, your sunglasess and the people i know 1

2006-06-14T17:13:00.000+01:00

Following on from the train project taken with my mobile phone camera, i am working on a new series, complimentary to the first, but slightly different.

It continues the theme of communication, loneliness and identity, only instead of trains im using sunglasses.

In the summer, we hang out with people more than ever. The sun does something to our sense of community and our desire to be free. We wear less and and spend hours outdoors. And yet, we cover up. Sunglasses retain our sense of security and hideness from the world. And the mobile phone continues to be intrusive to the one-on-one real contact. We sepnd more time with each other in the summer and yet still manage to act in ways to barrier our intimacy, whether that's intentional or not.

Here is number one.

i want to fly away

2006-06-14T15:58:00.000+01:00

I've been frantically trawling through internet sites to find cheap deals to do something, anything with my summer. unfortunately nothing exists that is free. I just want to do something, go somewhere, even for just a week. To get away, a mission trip, a holiday, an excursion. anything other than working all summer. But what can you do when you're broke except that. sometimes its time to take responsibility. bah.

my today

2006-06-13T19:37:00.000+01:00

Today I was walking down a fairly busy street in peckham when, out of the blue i started crying and couldnt stop. When something hits you it has no respect for time. Sadness can be a pretty inappropriate thing.

But I've been reminded today of the true and precious promises of God in Christ and in those i take refuge.

On a happier note i signed the contract for the house im moving into in september. i chose my room too...yippie doo dah. I love the girls im going to be living with...theyre the kind whose friendship you're always indebted too. As fast as I try and be a good friend to them they are a hundred more times thoughtful and caring.

We drank chocolate and coffee milkshake things in a shopping centre this afternoon and tried on some clothes.

still is my soul

2006-06-13T10:57:00.000+01:00

When the storms clouds dark and grey threaten to rain
Still is my soul, Still is my soul
When the waves come crashing in to wash me away
Still is my soul, Still is my soul

When the winter wind starts blowing in
Freezing over every stream
There's a peace that passes understanding
Flowing like a current beneath
Still is my soul, Still is my soul.

2006-06-04T21:54:00.000+01:00

interface arts...open mic night

UCCF: INTERFACE ART

2006-06-04T20:11:00.000+01:00

WOW. Ive just got back from the first ever UCCF conference for artists. 80 creatives - studetns and practising artists from the visual and perfomance realms, aswell as some key thinkers (from artisan, ACG and L'abri) around such issues gathered together to consider what does it mean to live christianly in the arts.

We had lectures from some super speakers such as Ellis Potter who would get choked up when he recalled pieces of creativity or of doctrine that were, to him, amazing. Ellis Potter led our thinking in what it means to be human and what it means to be spiritual. It was so refreching to be reminded that we're being just as spiritual when we cook a meal as when we read the Bible. For being SPIRITUAL IS BEING REAL. We follow Jesus' example in that.

Ellis also raised questions about what it means to live for Jesus as we make art. To be a blessing and cause people to ask questions, to reveal ideas and provoke discussion over areas of life that need to be explored. To love life and to hunger for reality.

We were challenged to be in cutting edge of our culture. NOt to react to what's put out there but to be at the forefront of creating it.

Raising questions questions questions.

There was an exhibition of work from any of the visual artists that wnated to bring work. I took some photos, and that was a priviledge. I went thinking of it as an experiment and came away enouraged and built up by positive feedback. Not to feed my ego, but giving me the confidence to pursue this gifting and recognise it when prevsiously Ive been so unsure it exists. To embrace my creativity and start working with more fervour, in my enjoyment of God and of life.

Quite posisbly a life changing weekend for me.

The open mike night was astounding. Some of the poetry made me cry with awe and wonder at it's intricate word forming and of the creator God who has created beings to create in such a way. The music was varied and rich and exiciting.

Today we prayed creatively for each other and for the creative industries that God would raise up men and women who create in such a way that we provoke and challeneg and bless and encourage our generation and that we would be at the forefront, the cutting edge of our culture.

The weekend was just superb. Life changing.

a few things...

2006-05-30T18:50:00.000+01:00

Over the bank holiday weekend Pod and I successfully managed to get through the whole of 24 series 2. thats about 22 hours or so i think of unadulterated TV viewing. Aided by 3 bottles of wine, a big pot of stew, a roast chicken, a seafood salad and cadbury's chocolate fingers. Oh yeah.

I got an email to say that ive been invited onto UCCF student council to be london rep. It's gonna be a lot of fun i think and i feel privleged to be able to give some of my time and energy back to UCCF and im sure its gonna be a really exicting year of learning too! woo hoo!

Tonight I ate big fat prawns. oh the joy of pulling off the tail and skin and popping it's succulent little body in my mouth. the taste of the sea, the taste of freshness. yum.

Right, Milly's coming over in a moment for drinks and anne of green gables. I love Milly.

hey that was cool...

2006-05-27T16:30:00.000+01:00

Brilliant! Kath is in too...

hey that was cool...

2006-05-27T12:47:00.000+01:00

Hooray!

Pod,Liz and a person i don't know called Chris have joined the project...

conversation with pod 4

2006-05-27T12:14:00.000+01:00

Becci:"I just want to do some quirky arty thing that makes people happy."

Pod: "I think you should make some money."

fi's joined in!

2006-05-24T22:20:00.000+01:00

well, Fi's joined up see her 365 days of coolness at www.coolfruits.blogspot.com

Lets get this thing going....!

that was cool

2006-05-24T01:18:00.000+01:00

I've started up a new project called 'hey, that was cool' and im looking for a community to join in. Whether, you stop my blog regularly or are one of those random 'next blog' clickers...consider this: Are you glass half empty or glass half full? Do you find yourself amazed at people who seem happy, able to be thankful for the random little happenings when you seem to forget them? (am i beginning to sound like a cheesy advert?) At the risk of cheese, i wanna experiment with my mindset and see if i can change my outlook by, everyday, for a year consciously finding somethig *different* to say 'hey, that was cool' to. Different, every day different. Like being thankful. Every day, for 365 days...Join in, I dare you...erhem, actually my experiment won't work unless you do...

http://thatwascool.blogspot.com

so, set up your blog...whats good?

til your grace sings so loud

2006-05-21T21:24:00.000+01:00

There's a small cloud in the distance
So i'll keep on walking
til your grace sings so loud
I can't hear myself talking

And i tear hard this brittle bone
And i drink deep this wine
I live rich on the meat of this table
Cause its here where i can find
The grace of a saviour
The face of a lover
The absence of what i fear
I'm not alone, for here i've found my home.

end of...

2006-05-21T19:34:00.000+01:00

so, it's the end of an era. Megs, my American housemate is flying back to Oregon tomorrow afternoon. The five of us, Megan, Sam, Margot, Laurel and myself have all lived together for two years and now we're parting ways. So this weekend we've had the mother of all party weekends. Last night we had the goodbye party for megs. We themed the whole house to represent all the seasons in which we've had parties. Becuase Sam is season crayz we have so many tacky decorations its unbelievable. Megs' room was hallooween, the kitchen was thanksgiving, the hallway was valentines and the living room was christmas crazy.

The party went on until 5am at which point we crashed, people everywhere. it was a bit mad. i still look at my friends, and the other people i dont know at these parties, totally drunk and high and just ache inside for them, and long that they would know Jesus. On guy got so drunk that we got our old matress and put it in the halway for him to sleep on.at 6 am, he got up and peed on it and then puked three times. He stumbled home, really embarassed about 4 hours later. Why?

This morning we all went for brunch together and then set about gutting our house of all the rubbish, stale smells and party leftovers. Then we cleansed ourselves...

It feels weird really, after two years. But im glad to be moving on too. It's not been easy and my longings are still there. I just pray God will keep working.

award update

2006-05-20T12:51:00.000+01:00

So we didnt win the award, but i didnt expect to which is cool. the LGBT society won istead...we therefore didnt stand a chance...hmmm. anyhoo it was a good night and all the kickboxing crew came to support me. It's always funny when we hang out cos we all look totally different with hair not scraped back and sweat dripping from every surface. nice. But it was great and good to be able to nail my colours more, as it were! afterwards, I had a great chat with Lee, my coach about stuff, he's a really interesting guy, very perceptive and good to talk to. Faith, philosophy, art and life:always a great combination.

Anyway, gotta go to Interface arts thing now...

Goldmsiths CU...society of the year?!

2006-05-18T00:05:00.000+01:00

Every year the Students Union hold an awards night to give awards to outstanding societies, soceity members etc. There's trophies and prizes and drinks and stuff. Today I had a phone call to say that the Christian Union have been nominated as college society of the year! Crazy. So on Friday when the awards ceremony occurs, we might win...maybe. I was wondering whether it's a good thing. I think it is in the sense that we've been really active this year and made our presence known, we should be doign things that mean we live peaceably with all etc etc. But at the same time I wonder how much we should actually be hated for what we stand for and whethr therefore we stand firm enough...hmmm, anyway.

work expereince...

2006-05-17T23:54:00.000+01:00

Right now I'm doing some work over in Teddington which is fab. It's a documentary commissoned, orginally by the BBC and now by channel 4 about a film by directed by Kenneth Brannagh. The film is an adaption of the opera, Magic Flute, that's been adapted by Kenneth and Stephen Fry. So basically Kenneth Branagh is directing a film which will be out in cinemas sometime next year whereby he's taken a bunch of opera singers and has been getting them to act in this film. The documentary follows the process of this. It's been an incredible few days for so many reasons.

I'm involved in postproduction. Which, to cut a long story short, before the editing to make the documentary happens, all the films (95 of them!!) have to be digitised and also each clip/time break labelled and transcripted. It's my job to set the films digitising through the mac and then transcript EVERYTHINg that happens. Its incredbly fascinating.

Fascnating to be involved in the process of making a documentary.
Fascinating to see so much footage about the making of a film. Like one 5 minute scene taking ALL day to get right! And with all it's different angles being shot etc.
Fascinating to see a film being merged with opera.
Fascinating to begin to see the art and beauty and technicality in opera
Fascinating to transcript all the interviews with Kenneth and the actors/actresses and see what they have to say, the depth of their understanding of what's happening and the themes and meanings etc. It's fab.
Fascinating to think through the possibilites of media that's responisble and ethical and the whole idea of making art and about art and culture really interests me.

It's all just very cool.

2006-05-14T21:05:00.000+01:00

http://www.myspace.com/songsbyrich

nothing left but you.

fish obbsession part2

2006-05-14T20:59:00.000+01:00

yesterday pod and i went to borough market and ate scallops freshly picked from teh sea-you could even meet the divers. they were presented in the shells. yummy. we also ate mussles.

today we had sushi in greenwich and then spent ages in a bookshop salivating over fish recipe books. its all a little weird.

grrr

2006-05-12T23:36:00.000+01:00

man im confused. ive lost track again of what's right. and im frustrated. sometime i wish people would SAY what they felt and meant rather than something else. it would just make life so much easier and pleasant for all. blah. i might delete this post. ill see how i feel tomorrow. i dont like being negative but then this is reality.

I hate cameras

2006-05-12T11:54:00.000+01:00

ARGH...my pentax camera is annoying me SO much. Everytime i try and take a roll of film something happens. This time, with a whole roll of film from the last 2 months of memories as I wound the film back for some reason the whole reel ripped itself out of the cannister and wrapped itself around the other reel at the end. Which, basically equals a roll of ruined photos. Brilliant. And i wonder why digital is so much more popular. ARGH.

day 2 of the summer holidays...

2006-05-11T21:28:00.000+01:00

Brilliant...day two...

I got up early this morning and had a picnic on the field at college with some of my best girlies from CU. We havent hung out in so long because we all act like hermits when we're stressed...We ate bacon sandwiches and croissants and sat in the sun and caught up on each other's lives.

3 of the 5 of them had to go and do their art things and Kate and I had nothing to do, being ladies of leisure that we are. So I was like:

Me: "Kate, what ya doing today?"
Kate: "Nothing."
Me: "No me neither. Shall we hang out?"
Kate: "Yeah, what dya wanna do?"
Me: "I dunno...it's a nice day."
Kate: "Something in London?"
Me: "Shall we go to the beach?"
"Brighton?!"
Kate: "OK"

So we caught the train to Brighton and spent the day sitting on the beach in the sun, reading and chatting, catching up on weeks of unsaid life. Then we ate icecream on the pier. Then we wandered through the shops and got fish and chips and sat on the beach until 8pm. (Kate on the beach)
Then we got the train back. What a wicked day!!

yay, thames path!

2006-05-10T20:09:00.000+01:00

hehe...i had a great afternoon. I got on my bike and cycled the length of my guidebooks 'Thames Path'. It took me from Deptford, along the Thames, through the beautiful Rotherhithe to Tower Bridge, over Tower Bridge (which opened!)then through wapping, Shadwell, Canary Wharf, Isle of Dogs then under the Thames into Greenwich.

It took me about 2.5 hours and was SO cool. The route is so beutiful at points with parks and the river and millionaire flats over looking the water with decking and chairs and flowers and things. There's loads of apartments that have the overhead walkways and cobble streets giving a flavour of London's merchantile past and old industrialisation.

Continuous changing perspectives of the beauty of the meandering river, the hustle and bustle of city life, wealthy flats and people with stories to tell. Green park land filled with sunbathers and darting kids and the looming scapes of canary Warf with it's waterside bars and restaurants. All finished off with an icecream in the wonderful Greenwich!

Any London bloggers fancy joining me sometime?

first morning of the summer holidays

2006-05-10T12:10:00.000+01:00

This morning I cleaned my room, watched TV, read a magazine, read 2 Peter and thought about what it means to carry on in light of God's promises, and in a little while I'm going to get on my bike and cycle the thames path.

I am SO glad this year is over. Honestly, it hasn't been fun. Just one of those years when the majority of the time you don't really feel like you're LIVING.

God continues to be good and I'm looking forward to the summer and to my final year and the whole new adventure that that will be. Hoorah.

The sun is shining. yippidoodaday

here comes the summer sun...

2006-05-09T19:09:00.000+01:00

BRILLIANT...that's me done for the summer. Yee ha!

love love love shooby dooby doo...

2006-05-08T15:00:00.000+01:00

1 exam down, one to go. YES. and then i am free free free. woob-di-doo.

On a different note. I felt loved again yesterday, really loved:
"I will sing the wondrous story of the Christ who died for me."

Funny thing is I know I am loved. Always. I just long for that to be an ongoing expereince, that I might act and feel and speak and think like I believe it to be true.

Ok, back to revision. brilliant.

my...er...intereresting boyfriend...

2006-05-07T20:16:00.000+01:00

hahaha...

well, i was going to write a little something about how wonderful Pod has been to me recently, patient and patient again with my stress, anxiety and general weirdness...

BUT i just read his latest blog entry...what the...?!?!?!?!
Go check it out and please, tell him there's being a buisness man and then there's being a buisness freakoid...
www.livejournal.com/users/podbo

beauty and deformity.

2006-05-06T13:06:00.000+01:00

"I see poetry as the medium most similar to photography...or at least the photography I pursue. Like poetry, photography, is rarely successful with narrative. What is essential is the 'voice' (or 'eye') and the way this voice pieces together fragments to make something tenuously whole and beautiful."
Alec Soth

the series that this print is taken from is called 'Dog Days. Bogota'. Alec Soth and his wife adotped a little girl from Bogota, Colombia and he set about to 'capture some of the beauty that existed in this hard place.' Having spent the summer of 2004 in Bogota, these photos bought back memories and an interesting take on a city of simulatsously hardship and beauty.

Beauty and disformity. Creation and the fall. One day all will be made new but for now we live in a world that is at one time hard and at the same beautiful. Art that expresses just a utopian vision of the world is deceiving and unhelpful.That's not the world that exists and helps us understand nothing about what it means to live in the world that we do. The reality is of sheer beauty and yet utter depravity. The depravity makes us long for beauty, for wholeness, for the One who made all things beautiful and will one day start again.

it's all a little fishy...

2006-05-02T10:47:00.000+01:00

Yesterday Pod and I took a trip to Birmingham to the National Sealife centre. It was VERY cool. My favourite bit was the baby seahorses and the HUGE sea turtles. They even had a Nemo section where they had all the real life versions of the fish in the film. In another tank they had these rays that when they swam looked like they were flying through the sea. This trip promoted two reactions.

1)awe and wonder for the Creator. So much variety and not only so many different types of fish but each fish had it's own personality-way of living, breeding, feeding etc.

2)A distinct craving for fish....I couldn't work out whether this was a good thing or a slightly sadist expression...HOWEVER,

We left the sealife centre and went to an art gallery where we had some food. A fish salad (squid, prawns, mussles, oysters in a sauce)

Later that night we went out for dinner to a French Restaurant where we shared Mussels in a garlic butter sauce for starter and both had fried sea bass for main.

We were going to follow this with ice cream at home...Ben n Jerry's pfish food..but we were too stuffed. And maybe just a little fishied out...

delighting in me

2006-04-28T22:55:00.000+01:00

"Thankfully God is kind of stuck with us. And weirdly claims to be delighted with that arrangement." (Kath)

Man, how often i just wander through the day believing that somehow God puts up with me. That he's welcomed me into the family and yes, that he does love me. That he's satisfied to have me as his. But how rarely I actually meditate on the fact that he's delighted with the arrangement, that he rejoices over me with loud singing (zeph 3:17)

I need to tatoo that verse on my eyelids so that when i blink i will be reminded and when I sleep i will read it for 8 hours. Then I won't forget. The only difficulty then will be getting it from my eyelids into my heart.

thanks kath...

2006-04-28T14:23:00.000+01:00

blah

2006-04-28T09:51:00.000+01:00

I think I'm speaking for the sake of speaking; updating for the sake of updating. Not alot is happening becuase I have my head buried in exams and essays for the next 10 days. And then...I'm free for the summer.

No big revelations happening for me, other than as every day passes I realise more how self-centered I am and how desperately I need God's grace. How hard it is sometimes to put on those new bright shining clothes and for some reason how easily I pull on my rags. Grace is all I have. And grace is more than enough.

ally g's new home

2006-04-25T16:58:00.000+01:00

My good pal Ally G has got himself a new blog...the old one died. If you wanna see some interesting peices of art Al is working on and read about how he relates art to faith and general shinanigans he gets up to then drop by at:

http://give-quiche-a-chance.blogspot.com/

2006-04-24T19:59:00.000+01:00

(Rachel Hughes, from soul sista website)

loving jesus.

2006-04-17T13:02:00.000+01:00

This weekend I've been at home in Aylesbury. It's been awesome to chat to different folk at my home church, young and old and just hear about what God's been doing in their lives and their love for Jesus. I find it exciting to be amongst people who from all different expereinces and backgrounds, different ages and different walks of life and discover that Jesus is the most important thing to them. I also find it humbling.

I'm humbled and challenged by 80 year old Audrey who spends hours every day praying and, sitting in front of her, during the sermon I hear the occasional, "amen", "hallelujah". Her heart is thrilled to know Jesus.

I'm humbled and challenged by one of my best friend's mum's who is deaf and tells me that she can't wait for when her daughter gets married (in the nicest sense of the word) becuase then they can move into a smaller house and use the money so she can stop working and give all her time to helping at the church; washing dishes, looking after kids. "Oh how that's my heart's desire" she says. And she means it.

I'm humbled and challenged by David who's wife is in a home and yet he never stops rejoicing. "This weekend has just got better and better for me. The more I hear about Jesus the more delighted I get." He's tired, he misses his wife and yet Jesus is his comfort and his joy.

I'm humbled and challenged by my uncle and cousin who have flown in from Colombia and Venezuala to see my nan. My uncle works for NTM training venzualan missionaries to reach the tribes and my cousin who works for an organisation that trains pastors in colombia in stratiegic discipleship programmes. My uncle started his training at 17 and has been a missionary ever since. His 4 children have all gone straight into the misison field too. Many people may say this is irresponsible, I think it's sacrifice and demonstrates hearts in submisison to God.

I'm humbled and challenged to ask myself, 'how much do I love Jesus?' and 'how much do I earnestly seek the priorities he has for my life?' 'how often do i chose comfort over sacrifice both in time, money and energy?'

"To those whom he has given much, much will be expected."

"Love the Lord your God with all you heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your strength, and love you neighbour as yourself."

yesterday/today.

2006-04-14T18:34:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I finally finished series 1 of 24. I watched it until 4.30am, went to bed and dreamt I was a secret agent being chased by scary people, woke up and watched the last couple of episodes. Today, everything I look at makes me think of Jack Bouer and terrorism. It's a weird place to be.

It's Good Friday today, so I'm going to read chapter 4 of the Cross of Christ. Sometimes, when I find the fact that the death and resurrection of Jesus is the answer for the world, the means of peace with God, hard to believe, I look at books such as the Cross of Christ, with all their intricate explanation of doctrine, and for some reason, that helps me believe!

becoming fully human

2006-04-11T00:18:00.000+01:00

It's been intersting doing a "blog round" and having a nosey at what has sturck those most that have bean at Word Alive. I actually didn't go to very much during the week but had amazing times chatting with some close friends and gospel centred folk, gaining perspective and enthusing about Jesus.

Going through Colossians during the week and reflecting upon this has just made me in awe of the gospel and grace once more. I have been really challenged to ensure that my repentance ALWAYS leads to rejoicing in the gospel and grace. Richard Cunningham's intro to communion on Saturday hammered this home. How often do I sit during communion and beat myself up, praying prayer upon prayer of repentence for my lack of faith, lakc of zeal, and the hurried prayer of thanks for the cross. That's SO what its not about.

I have also been really excited again about my identity, that I am clothed in righteousness. As such I should put on those beautiful clothes, my new clothes and stop going back to those old smelly clothes that don't fit and are just foolish to wear. I am someone new and I am totally free.

"Christ did not come to make us christians but to make us human." (Rookmacher) My life in faith shouldnt be defined by what I don't do but those things that I am, the life in abundance that God has given me and the grace which is poured into my life.

saying goodbye.

2006-04-10T09:59:00.000+01:00

My nan is an amazing woman of God and the last couple of days Pod and I have had the priviledge of spending some time with her as she goes through the final leg of the race. My nan has bought up six kids to know and love Jesus and almost all their kids too and some of their kids! Pondering on a life serving God is challenging and she's such an example. I have loads of really great memories of seeing love and playfulness expressed to me.

So now my nan is edging closer to home...all the family that she's raised have been flying in from different places to say goodbye, Antigua, Slovakia, Venezuala...and we all have mixed feelings. Is really hard to see someone you love, go but we're all excited that she's going to see Jesus, who she loves so much. I think she's going to get a hearty 'well done' !!

bored essay writing...try this quiz...

2006-04-03T16:35:00.000+01:00

Your IQ score is 133!

You are gifted with the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. Insightful linguists can take complex concepts and articulate them to just about anyone. You have a gift with words and an insight into processes and the way people think.

These talents enable you to explain things clearly to people as you can conceptualise ideas internally and understand patterns on an abstract level.

Try it here: http://uk.tickle.com/test/iq/start.html

2006-04-03T11:35:00.000+01:00

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Christchurch.

2006-04-03T11:23:00.000+01:00

This morning I am recovering from Christchurch weekend away and attempting to finsih an essay before travelling late to Word Alive tomorrow.

The weekend rocked. Just one of those times when I realise I do actually love my church, and staying was the right decision. Community takes hard work. But sometimes it doesn't and this weekend showed just how much of a family Christchurch is. So open and honest and just mad and crazy. Singing that was so joyous and such a sense of fun. And just lots and lots of prayer ministry and recommitmment which i guess is such a huge part of community.

We shared communion on Sunday morning and as I went up to Hugh to receive the bread he said "Becci (lookng straight at me), remember that Jesus died for YOU." Funny, how we can know something and then at times it suddenly impacts us. For Me. It made me cry.

As I watched everyone else go up, receive the bread and wine and the oily forehead thing I was just overcome with awe at God and his salvation. Every work of salvation is a miracle but when I look at those of us that make up Christchurch I can't help but just be blown away by God's grace in saving such a bunch of us messy people. And that made me cry too!

Christchurch has been quite a tough place for me to be over the last couple of years. At the start, becuase grace was so evident and practised so faithfully, it forced me to be real about myself and come to God and others with honesty. It's great but it hurts. And in the recent months I've found aspects of community just plain hard work for many reasons. This weekend I fell in love with Christchurch again, not becuase it's always easy but becuase they're so gospel focused and so open and honest and just want to know Jesus more and make him known in Peckham. And that's what's important. And it's been important for me to just get stuck in and keep going.

Imogen heap

2006-03-31T10:20:00.000+01:00

"Here are electronically manipulated voals, airy keyboards and robotic beats synthesized and processed until every groove sounds manicured , yet the music is still warm and affecting."

Last night my cousin rich and I went to see Imogen Heap in concert. For free, oh yes. I got the tickets through the college radio station I do stuff for occasionally. It was amazing. Imogen Heap has this incredible style where her voice takes centre stage but all the other instruments she plays are just as incredible too. It's a real eclectic mix of styles and it's just absoutley amazing.We also had passes to the after show party 'VIP' stickers. woo. It was an open bar and there were lots of people there looking all important...I'd been given the tickest by a girl who works for heart media and asked if I want to be involved with the stuff they do. Kinda cool. but er, kinda random.

Anyway, Rich and I were just deciding to leave when Imogen Heap comes in and stands right next to us. She is SO tall. She was chatting to a couple and we were going to have barge, literally barge, past her to get out. And it would have been rude to not say something as we passed about the concert.

This is what came out of my mouth as I lightly touched her arm: "Well done, that was great, thank you." She kind of looked at me bewildered. I felt a little stupid. Basically what I'd said was a combination of what I say to someone who's led CU for the first time or doen a talk or something and what I say to a preacher at a church when it's been great. What does one say in a situation like that?

It was weird how what I would say in a Christian setting made me sound kinda arrogant, like I knew what I was talking about and had the right to tell her that it was great. Kinda patronising, but in churchey places its 'encouragemnt'.

Blah, anyway, it was great.

warning if easily offended look away now...

2006-03-29T10:38:00.000+01:00

last year, as a CU committee planning mission week, we discussed our desire/repulsion of CU hoodies. In fact, everyone was so opposed to the idea that we came up with another one...CU pants. Not just any pants these were designed as a protest to be made at Forum last year. To say 'pants to CU hoodies'. That was the idea. It never quite happened, but our dislike of hoodies and desires for pants has been an ongoing joke and dream of one day taking over the Christian world...(er yeah, whatever) Until last week....

At CU I was presented with some 'thank you' presents for being president and yes, inside was these:In the 'pouch' bit is a life gospel, to ensure that our pants are evangelistic as many are in the habit of doing on their hoodies...And we even have our Goldsmiths colours stiched in ribbon. lovely.
briliant.

Turns out we're not the first to be so "clever", Anna Mackenzie (UCCF London vice-team leader) told me that when she was at Goldsmihs they had CU pants instead of hoodies...

Anybody wanna join a revolution?!

i love spring

2006-03-27T15:46:00.001+01:00

spring in nottingham...
crazy peacock...

perseverance and the grace of God

2006-03-22T18:58:00.000Z

On sunday, at Christchurch we celebrated the fact that Hugh and Helen (vicar and his wife) have been there for 20 years. In that time the churhc has grown massively, people have come to faith and have expereince God's love in practical and spiritual ways. Christchurch is a vibrant, famil community and it's all a testimony to God's grace.

It's also a testimony to the grace of God at work in Hugh and Helen's life. Hugh is Eaton educated and got his degree form Cambridge. He also has a theology something or other. His giftings, intelligence and Bible teaching abilities 'could have' got him a big vicary thing in a big big church. But God called him and helen to a small struggling church in the rough end of Peckham.

Hugh and Helen have perservered in one of the roughest parts of the country in a small church. And God has been gracious. He's kept them and blessed their ministry.

To me, this all speaks of the aweseomness of how God works and challenges me to really listen to God's call on my life and follow it no matter the cost. And keep on keeping on. It was a privelege to celebrate those 20 years on sunday.

yay for skype

2006-03-20T23:49:00.000Z

I had a conversation with Elizabeth, my good canadian friend today, along with Pod joining in the chat. A three way conversation from London to Nottingham and all the way across the atlantic. And all for free. Skype rocks.

Pod and I are so obbsessed that instead of saying 'see you later' or 'ill call you later' we say 'skype you later.'

Pod and I love it so much we even have a little skype dance tune and use one of the dancing icons in the chat facility to illustrate. The skype dance and song come out when we're happy or being proud about something.

skype is COOL

lovin it

2006-03-19T22:51:00.000Z

so the end of my photography project (a investigation into spatial construction and affects of identity, using the tube space as focus) is drawing to a close. One more week and all my prints will be made and my sketchbooks handed in. I'm going to miss using the studios and the darkrooms over the summer...

2006-03-19T21:26:00.000Z

God is glorified in his people by the way we experience him. Indeed the devil thinks more true thoughts about God in one day than a saint does in a lifetime, and God is not honoured by it. The problem with the devil is not his theology, but his desires. Our chief end is to glorify God, the great Object. We do so most fully when we treasure him, desire him, delight in him so supremely that we let goods and kindred go and display his love to the poor and the lost.

John Piper. When I don't desire God

my 2am email

2006-03-18T02:35:00.000Z

Hey Podbo...
...
I want to tell you my thoughts, like a journel, to tell you a story, my inner soul. What Ive been thinking about as I walked through the bitter chill of the 2 oclock air, with phat beats ringing through my ears and the familiar feeling of used muscles and a tired brain pulsating through my body....
....
Tonight, Lee, Johnny and I got Caribeean food after kickboxing and ate it listening to the gig night at the Union that Loz had arranged. The music was awesome and the company was a lot of fun. We laughed about kickboxing, we people watched and chatted about missionaries...
...
Tonight I felt ashamed. Lee's really perceptive and he was asking me a few things about my family in colombia and about where you and I met. He said: "Becci, I've noticed that when you talk about your Christianity you pause before you say anything. You hesitate. Like you're unsure or something."
Ouch. It's kind of because I want to express things in the right way, but I guess it looks like I'm a little ashamed. I'm really sorry for that. I have no reason to be. It's a powerful gospel and a good and gracious God I serve. Where is my confidence really?

Today has been an ego booster for me. With my photography tutor saying my photography was great, that I'd pulled off something really complicated really well, with Linda, my personal tutor writing such a shining reference and Lee, my kickboxing coach said tonight: 'Becci you really are a good kickboxer." I asked whether I would get the next belt up at grading after easter and he said "Oh easily, in fact you could get 2/3 above that (!!) He told me I could get black in 3 years (I was banking on 6!) So all in all, guess I feel pretty pleased with myself. I find that all quite hard becuase I never seem to sit right. Either my pride makes me feel good or it makes me feel utter crap. Either way I'm not shaped 100% by the gospel. That passag I read this morning about considering ourselves with sober judgement is poignant. Although at the same time I guess I can feel chuffed that my hard graft with photogrpahy and kickboxing is paying off. But all praise HAS to go to the one who made me with my creative giftings and ability to kick arse!! I can claim no good by myself, even my very breathe is possible only by the one who breathed life into me.

Love BBx

Er...

2006-03-15T17:59:00.000Z

caption for this pic of kenny, anna and pod?

2006-03-15T17:44:00.000Z

bleak

2006-03-14T16:50:00.000Z

I can't make head or tail of a few things right now.

What do you do when you don't know what the truth about something is becuase you're so inside your own head that you can't work out if you're being rational or not or whether your heart is deceiving you?

What do you do when you just want everything to be ok and it just isn't?

on the up side had a great weekend in cornwall at Anna and Kenny's. Thanks guys!
(pics coming soon)

cornwall here we come!!

2006-03-10T13:17:00.000Z

I'm going on a little adventure this weekend. I havent been on one for a while and I'm quite excited. Pod and I are packing our bags and heading down to cornwall until monday night to stay with kenny and anna robertson. Yay!

It's so nice to have a break just when your body and soul is protesting...so off we go. It's been a tough couple of months for both us with work stuff, change etc and I'm really looking forward to getting away from it all. Oh, and going surfing...YES!

i need to adore...

2006-03-08T21:53:00.000Z

"As I studied Romans 9 day after day, I began to see a God so majestic and so free and so absolutely sovereign that my analysis merged into worship and the Lord said, in effect,

"I will not simply be analyzed, I will be adored. I will not simply be pondered, I will be proclaimed. My sovereignty is not simply to be scrutinized, it is to be heralded. It is not grist for the mill of controversy, it is gospel for sinners who know that their only hope is the sovereign triumph of God’s grace over their rebellious will."

(John Piper)
stolen from http://thebluefish.blogspot.com

random things time...

2006-03-08T14:35:00.000Z

im going to apply for a job at london zoo to be 'an explainer' for the summer period. you get to chat to people 1:1 or groups, do tours, to talks, exhibitions etc about the animals and fun things in the zoo. i hope i get the job. i really like giraffes.

my consultant told me that all the problems with my stomach, all those trips to casualty are caused by inflammed cells in my stomach. There's a fine line between those and an ulcer apparently. so i have to avoid stress and moderate my diet. all that (a year and a half of investigations) to be told that. HAHAHA.

Last night i had a dream that my sociology tutor became a Christian. He told me that the reason he'd taken sarcastic jibes out of me for believing what i do was to help me think deeper and harder and deconstruct a bit more. we sang a worship song together and I woke up thinking how cool it was that a great sociologist was a Christian. Then I realised it wasn't true. But prayed it might be prophetic!

mr wu sucks eggs

2006-03-08T09:29:00.000Z

Never ever trust Mr. Wu. He may offer you delightful things but don't be taken in...

Pod had a meeting yesterday in the House of Commons so afterwards we got to hang out. Unfortunately we're both mega broke...to the point that going out for dinner costing £10 was going to be too expensive...SO...

I planned a little excursion. I told Pod that we were having a candlelight dinner and had a table with a view all for around £5 each. Before I left, I packed a bottle of cheap wine, 2 cups, a daffodil, 2 candles and some matches. "This is gonna be great" I thought to myself. "He'll love me forever for this." The pland was to buy pizza at a place at trafalagar square then walk down The Mall to BUckingham Palace. Whip out the candles, the wine, the flower centre piece and have a candlelit dinner for two on a 'table' with a view. The rain had stopped when i left. "Hoorah!" I thought' "This is going to be great!"

Hahahahaha.

We whipped around the National Portrait Gallery (discovering that the photography exhib i wanted to see had ended) and when we stepped outside? RAIN. Big fat ugly drops of rain.

I looked at Pod and stuck out my lower lip and sulked as I explained my plan. "DO you still want to do it?" haha. er, no.

So we decided to find something cheap and cheerful where we could sit inside. Mr. Wu becomed to us invitingly. £4.95 for eat as much as you like chinese buffet...yum

The place looked okay, we got inside and ordered drinks. There was this pervading sense of heaviness throughout the place. Noone looked happy. Noone was talking.

We got up to start at the buffet. Cold chips. Yum. Sweet and sour stuff without the sauce on it properly so it looked, well i cant describe what it looks like with out the sauce. Yum. Spring rolls with er filling of....er, nothing?! yum.

IT WAS RANK. It makes me feel sick thinkng about it again. They had 'basic food hygiene' certificates on the wall. Reassuring? I got one of those when I was 15.

The couple next to us werent even looking at each other, let alone talking.
Mr. Wu, what a let down. We couldnt eat anything. Pod went to pay. £13. And then they wouldnt take cards. HE had to go out in the rain and find a cash machine. And then pay with cash for a meal that resembled a dog's dinner. No, wait, pig slop.

Bah.

£13.

We got on the tube and went back to mine

We were hungry and ordered indian take out. £12.

in total...
wine-£4
chinese - £13
Indian - £12
My travel card - £5
£34

could have got us a nice meal.

So not only was my making the VERY best of our bad financial situation a wash out, our making the best of the washout was a complete flop. And then scrapping the siutation back with an indian (which was great by the way!) all in all compltely nullified the whole point of the little plan in the first place.

Our first attempt at economy drive failed. Who to blame? Well, the rain...that's God but God does what's best so no finger pointing there.

Mr Wu, dear Mr. Wu, it's all your fault. You suck eggs. And so does your food. And so does your service,

2006-03-07T11:57:00.000Z

today i have done something very very stupid.

Its essay writing time again and as usual im struggling. trying to be one step ahead of the game i got one of my course mates to send me a copy of the essay she wrote n this topic a few weeks ago.

And now, well I feel like i have the academic capabilities of a three year old. Seriously, I want to plagarise everything she's written. And english isnt even her first language. :(

honestly, that was a very stupid thing to do. :(

a big fish and a place called london

2006-03-06T23:22:00.000Z

the signifcant thing about this weekend at new leaders was being there and not being a CU leader but having my sockks well and truly blessed off. I was there helping organise and lead the weekend which was such a priveldge and such a laugh. God knows what he's doing. Impeccable timing.

Mo McCraken spoke on Jonah. wow.

These are my lingering thoughts...

“And he said to them, ‘I am a Hebrew, and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.’”(1:9)

Despite Jonah's correct theology he still failed to apply it to his life and ran away...Speak to your soul. That's what I went away wanting to have happen. The stuff I know as truth,to be real in my heart again.

What an example of God's grace Jonah's story is. He disobeys and yet when he cries out, God answers. That's the kind of God God is. Amazing grace. I never fail to love to be reminded of that.

Ninevah, a pagan evil nation were turned around my God's grace. A super revival in the most 'unlikely' place. But with God there's no such thing as unlikely. How much do I share away form chatting to certain people about Jesus, and give up praying for folk becuase i question inwardly whether they'll ever be saved. Be rebuked Becci Brown.

Jonah, what an arsy, reluctant evangelist. Just as God is pouring out his grace in Ninevah, Jonah sulks. What makes Jonah's heart skip a beat? What makes him rejoice? Thousands of people saved? Nope! God sends a plant to shade Jonah and he gets happy. Jonah's priorities were nowhere near God's priorities. Where are my priorities? Am i so buys complaining about the things i have/don't have/want etc that i am totally missing the priorities God has for this world and for my life?

little boys...

2006-03-06T22:19:00.001Z

so talking on the phone tonight all pod could say when one conversation train ended was 'i want to play a game,' 'i want to play a game with you.' Like this endless idea he was thinking about throughout our entire conversation. I wait with bated breath to discover what game i get to play next time i see him. Board game or card game? Or maybe duplo would be better...

2006-03-06T22:19:00.000Z

RRRAAAA...New Leaders Training this weekend. I like the way God works.

happiness is...

2006-03-03T14:54:00.000Z

(nicked from http://postsecret.blogspot.com)

silver linings

2006-03-01T18:24:00.000Z

Tim posted this in his blog...we were chatting on MSN about our thoughts and feelings on the day. Our lack of getting work done and our weariness. But our silver linings also. Which, for Tim was that God has reminded him He's in control...

'Sometimes the journey makes you weary
Feels like a long and winding road
Sometimes this life can lose it's meaning
But you might be surprised to find some hope

Maybe you're wondering where love is
You may feel it's far away from here
Maybe you're wondering where I am
You might be surprised to find I'm near

Chorus:
And when your life is tossed and turning
And your on the raging sea
I'll come and pull you from the water
Then you will know that you are free

So if you're stumbling through the valley
Or if you're tempted to give up the fight
Reach out your hand and I will lead you
I will be your strong arm in the night'

My silver linings right now are human things, circumstantial things to hold onto...but I know, above and beyong this are the golden linings of God's grace and his love. I only need reach out my hand...

i thirst

2006-02-27T11:11:00.000Z

If anyone thirsts let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes me, as the Scripture has said, 'out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'

(John 7:37-39)

I'm glad this promise is as true today as it was the first time i said 'i thirst.'

you know where its at...

2006-02-24T22:35:00.000Z

nothing like a serious kickboxing session to beat the stressed out blues...

as i walked home i swung my boxing gloves at the thought of a lamb burger, Hagen Dazs ice cream, a date with Inspector Frost and an empty house...

grrr

2006-02-24T00:10:00.000Z

I am finally going to bed. It's ten past midnight and i feel jittery becuase i still have SO much to do. I was up at 8 and have been running around ever since. Doing nothing but lectures and my photography project. It's been stressful and a near disaster but good. But pretty much every day this week has been as mad. 12-14 hr days of craziness and not even stopping to eat (unless theres a book in my other hand(the one not feeding the mouth)) (oh yeah, and the 'hoorah, im not president anymore' celebration one with pod!)

It's fun too but i fee over worked and most definately underpaid. And I got arsey with Pod :(

However did i find time to be president of the CU?! hahaha..er, actually this is now the product of it!

don't come on here if you're a student and tell me you do longer days. I'll give you beats. I'm grumpy. I'm sure you are more hard core than me...

My cousins fiance put this on her blog. I add a hearty 'amen':
----As a female, I reserve the right to be in a bad mood whensoever I choose (spontaneous or chronic), without any obvious cause or reason, and without revealing any such grounds or motive for the said strop, will whinge as if I expect you to fix it and/or make it all better. So there.----

gone gone gone oh yes

2006-02-21T22:58:00.000Z

I am SO tired.

Today I did my last CU meeting as president and held a 'handover' meeting in my room, minus most of the old committe, over cheese on toast.

I'm FRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I've drunk too much diet coke

And I'm shell shocked from all that's happened

And I'm also really exicted for the new committe which has just literally come together in the last 24hrs...phew....I would like to say 'God, that was cutting it a little close, non?!' but who am I to judge the sovereignty of the Divine. God is cool. uber cool.

in the source

Hello world, you need Jesus.

a night to remember...

God rocks my socks.

obsessions

why hello...

hello world.

doctor doctor...

where am I thinking?

sadness.

blah.

yay for the gospel.

i think about it and what went wrong

what would you say to Jesus.

TASTE and SEE that the Lord is good.

this time last year...

have your way...

good theology, good food, good family, good fun

here i am again.

martial arts and the art of life...

me, your sunglasess and the people i know 1

i want to fly away

my today

still is my soul

UCCF: INTERFACE ART

a few things...

hey that was cool...

hey that was cool...

conversation with pod 4

fi's joined in!

that was cool

til your grace sings so loud

end of...

award update

Goldmsiths CU...society of the year?!

work expereince...

fish obbsession part2

grrr

I hate cameras

day 2 of the summer holidays...

yay, thames path!

first morning of the summer holidays

here comes the summer sun...

love love love shooby dooby doo...

my...er...intereresting boyfriend...

beauty and deformity.

it's all a little fishy...

delighting in me

thanks kath...

blah

ally g's new home

loving jesus.

yesterday/today.

becoming fully human

saying goodbye.

bored essay writing...try this quiz...

Christchurch.

Imogen heap

*warning* if easily offended look away now...

i love spring

perseverance and the grace of God

yay for skype

lovin it

my 2am email

Er...

bleak

cornwall here we come!!

i need to adore...

random things time...

mr wu sucks eggs

a big fish and a place called london

little boys...

happiness is...

silver linings

i thirst

you know where its at...

grrr

gone gone gone oh yes

warning if easily offended look away now...